A Piece of Me

in silence.

2010-12-21T16:38:00.002+08:00

invisible tears flowing silently.
mind and body numb from the pain.
hand weary, picking up the pieces.
fragile bits turning to dust.

no more thump thump.
no more sound from your heart.

a breathing soul with no heart
a walking doll with no emotions
i wish.

just the way it is.

2010-10-07T19:45:00.003+08:00

there are things you cannot control.
there are mistakes you can't undo.
there are things you wish you can control.

there are people you wish will like you.
there are people you want to love you.
there are people you never thought will accept you.

things don't usually happen the way you want it.
they do sometimes but only as a consolation.

things just happen. they just do.
and you can't do anything about it.

Jagged Pieces

2010-03-01T12:08:00.002+08:00

What has been broken will never be whole again.
What has been separated will never be one again.

Jagged pieces littering my life.
Invisible wounds and invisible blood.
Jagged pieces cutting the heart.
Bits and pieces scarring the soul.

Wear a smile and hide the pain.
Wear a smile and cover the scar.
Laugh to drown the sound of your cries.

a broken doll.
a dead rose.
shattered hourglass.
all broken. all gone.

i deserve to be happy.

2009-10-26T16:34:00.003+08:00

I deserve to be happy and I intend to be. I am battling my way through life trying to overcome the obstacles blocking my way and I try to do it with a smile. I try. I try so hard to smile my way through life. Most of the time, I fail but sometimes I could find reasons to smile even at the darkest points of my life.

Everybody deserves to be happy. I also deserve to be.

battling the storm

2009-10-26T15:47:00.003+08:00

I could probably say that I am too weak already; too weak to battle the storms in my life. But do I have the right to give up? Some would probably say yes. But I refuse to give myself the right to give up. I am not giving myself any other choice but to go on and move forward.

This is just a simple storm. Someday, the sun will shine again.

serenity

2009-10-21T17:37:00.003+08:00

I wish I could have stayed at Lake Balinsasayao last weekend. The place is so silent that it gives me a peace of mind and almost made me forget of all the worries that I had to face at school.

I love the place though its far.
I love the place though I couldn't get a network signal.
I love the place though I had to walk so far afterwards.
I love the place though my muscles are still sore from all the walking.
I love the place though it doesn't have internet connection.
I love the place though its far from civilization.
I love the place though I am mortally scared of the lake.
I love the place and I wish I could drown my worries there.

Someday, I will go back there.
Someday.

sharing what I learned.

2009-10-19T15:39:00.003+08:00

I've had a lot of low moments in my life but those were never been this low. I guess I could say that I am now in the darkest part (so far) of my life. I did a lot of things that I shouldn't have done and did not do a lo of things that I should have done.

Somehow, I can say that I ruined my life and i am trying so hard to fix it. How ironic that I somebody who does not believe in second chances is now hoping to get a glimpse of a second chance.

One thing I learned though, and I wish to share to whoever is reading this blog, is that, we cannot blame life if it becomes complicated because sometimes it is our own actions that complicates life.

We reap what we sow. And that is all there is to it.

seiromem

2009-09-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

memories.

tingling laughter. voices from the past

blurry faces. ghosts from yesterday

memories.

faded photographs. wilted flowers.

crumbling papers. messages of love.

promises. made. broken.

memories.

nothing but memories.

No to RED

2009-09-14T10:31:00.000+08:00

Insurgency is a sore thumb that hinders the nation's progress. It is a disease that feeds on the strength of the country; a dead weight that slowly pulls and buries the nation in a quicksand. It destroys all potentials, ruin economies and dims hope. Its continued existence is a bane to a country striving to develop.

A revolutionary government is not the answer to corruption and poverty. Bullets and bombs do not offer solutions that would solve the problems of this country. And no true Filipino could survive in a communist government. Filipinos, afterall, values their freedom as much as they value their blood.

Forty years is a long fight. Lives have been wasted, billions have been spent, blood was spilled in an attempt to heal the disease. It needs the collective effort of every single Filipino who trully loves their country to stop the disease from spreading and eventually killing the whole nation.

The war against insurgency is not just the government's war; it is every Filipinos war. The so-called principles of the Communist movement are nothing but lies. Corruption inside the movement is even worst than that in the government. The promises given by the rebels to lowly folks are nothing but propagandas aimed to ruin the image of the government and win the hearts of the people.

They promise a better life for those who support them but only their higher-ups enjoy the profits of their extortion activities. The poor remains poor.

They claim that members of the armed forces are harassing the people but it is them who really do. They are the ones who do not mind if the ordinary folks has nothing more to eat as long as they could get something from them. They are the ones who would get the very last centavo of the lowly hinterland folks in the name of revolution. They are the ones who would get the very last chicken of the poor farmer who has nothing more to give. Them who burns properties, threatens and hurt people if they don't pay the revolutionary tax. It is them that causes this country to suffer.

They see every "atrocity" of the government but they are blind to their own atrocities. They see corruption in the government but they don't speak of corruption in their own ranks.

There can be no real progress while they continue to exist. And unless every Filipino realize that they have a part to play in the war against these vermin, properties will continue to be burned and lives will continue to be wasted.

We don't need to take up arms to fight. In our own ways we can help in the fight against insurgency. Let us help in healing the sore thumb because insurgency is our fight too.

there is such a thing as perfect.

2009-09-09T20:07:00.003+08:00

When you start looking at things differently, then you'll also start realizing that the world could be perfect despite its imperfections.

The moment you start seeing the light in every problem and the beauty created by pressure, you'll learn to appreciate the perfectness of this world.

The time you stop looking at your flaws as if it could kill you, its also the time that you'll realize that you are perfect.

Because life is perfect. There is such a thing as perfect.
Our tiny flaws makes us perfect. The tinny tiny bits of imperfection makes us a perfect example of the human race.

There is such a thing as a perfect human being. They are people who makes mistakes but learns from it; knows their flaws and accepts it. The perfect human beings are not those who never commits mistakes, never fails, never stumbles, never falls. They are those who stumbles but stands up and starts again.

It is not the lack of flaws that makes us perfect. It is our imperfection that makes us perfect.

the heart says it all.

2009-09-02T21:13:00.003+08:00

You can lie to others but you can never lie to yourself.
You can hide from others but you can never hide from yourself.
The mouth may say something but the heart keeps everything.

just stay there

2009-07-29T00:12:00.002+08:00

its nice to know you're there
a shoulder to lean on when I become weary
the hands that lifts me up when I fall down
the arms that carries me when I get tired

its nice to know you're there
a silent shadow behind me
an invisible shield, an invisible strength
unseen but still there

its nice to know you're there
the sunshine in the rain
the light in the dark
the wisdom in the days of folly
the humor in the days of pain

I'm glad to know you'll be there
when all else is gone, when all else has failed
just stay there, don't leave me
you carry my heart, my life in your hands

It's nice to know you're there,
my brother, my friend.

yeah, were different

2009-06-29T08:23:00.003+08:00

What makes us different from animals is not our so-called intelligence.
It is our ability to choose, to reason, to decide. Our ability to know the difference between right and wrong.

When you corner an animal, a snake for example, it will strike because it is its nature to do so. Animals strike even when you don't provoke them because it is their instinct to bite or maim. When a person is provoke, you can't expect him to bite or maul the person provoking him. Maybe the person would punch, kick or scratch or maybe he would prefer to walk away and do nothing. Though fighting back is an instinct, it is still a matter of choice.

But what about those people who kills without provocation? What about those who never feel remorse when they kill? Are they human or are they animals?

uncertainties

2009-06-25T19:39:00.003+08:00

I do not know what the future holds for me
but it would be good to know that the people I cared for
would be facing that future beside me.
I guess, no matter how the bleak the future would be, it would be tolerable if you know that you have friends and loved ones beside you to boost you up when you're already too weak to move up.

born to die

2009-06-24T18:08:00.002+08:00

Death
-man's ultimate destiny.

just a thought

2009-06-22T07:57:00.002+08:00

The day you cease to love
is the day you cease to be human.

and I pray,

2009-06-20T12:32:00.002+08:00

Lord, if You're ever going to take anything from this world,
Please, let it be asthma.

there's still chance

2009-06-20T12:05:00.004+08:00

it won't take a million years
it won't take a billion attempt
it only needs one shot of courage
one shot to take the risk
just one shot.
Only then shall normality begin.

breather

2009-06-19T00:14:00.002+08:00

a few minutes of rest.
eyes close. deep breathes.
relaxation.

ahh... just so tired.

In the end...

2009-06-16T11:33:00.006+08:00

All I can say is that, THANK YOU for being a part of my life.

=True Friendship knows no distance. It knows no miles, no oceans. So just smile and don't worry, for even if you are not beside us you will always be in our hearts. And when the harsh world threatens you and your tears are about to fall just remember that somewhere across the ocean there are people who will never stop loving you even when the rest of the world turns their back on you. Were just here, waiting for you to come back.=

Linantuyan: A land reborn

2009-06-15T08:25:00.003+08:00

In the mountains of Guihulgan there lived people whose goal in life is just like the rest of us, to live in peace. What makes their situation different from us is that, there in the mountains, they have to deal with not only the complexities of living but also with the conflict between the government forces and the Maoist rebels.

The barangay of Linantuyan is located 42 kilometers from the town proper of Guihulngan and is considered as the most remote barangay of the town. So remote is the place that transportation is almost non-existent.

A two hour, P300 per head “habal-habal” ride will bring you to Linantuyan, a barangay that because of its great distance local officials will have to ride a helicopter to reach the place. Because of its distance also, the residents of Linantuyan sometimes has to walk to the nearby Barangay Sikatuna to purchase goods or chance upon a habal-habal which will bring them to the town proper.

Linantuyan is a place whose reputation has been marred by the presence of insurgents and has created an image of danger in the minds of outsiders. So negative is the image of the place that majority of the class backed-out when we were told that we have to make a documentary of the place. Out of the ten members of the class, only four were able to make it to Linantuyan to discover how the place really is and document the story of a place that struggled to free themselves from the clutches of the communist rebels.

This documentary is a part of the final requirements of senior Mass Communication students in their TV Production and Management class.

Armed only with video cameras, a meager food supply and feelings of anxiety and excitement, the four students went to the mountains of Guihulngan to document the story of Linantuyan and her people.

So many things have been said about Linantuyan, the residents, the soldiers assigned in the area and the situation of the place. Some of it were true while some are nothing but speculations made by people who have never seen the place and have only heard exaggerated stories of the place.

Contrary to the belief of a lot of people, Linantuyan is a peaceful place—or so it is now. The people are hospitable and warm, though a little bit cautious when dealing with newcomers. They were cooperative enough to share to us their stories and their hopes for the future of their place.

Among the many people we met there, we were able to interview former NPA supporters like Nanay Magda, Tatay Pio, and Tatay Genaro. All three were simple village folks who, despite their financial difficulties, were forced to support the NPA in fear that something might happen to them if they don’t.

Tatay Pio, for example, was a revolutionary tax collector of the NPA who was contented with his piece of land but was enticed by the group to join them. According to him, the NPA told him that if he really owns his land then he wouldn’t have to pay taxes for it. He said that sometimes he is embarrassed to ask from his neighbors because he knows all of them are having a difficult time but he because the group ask him to, he has to do it.

Like most villagers, Tatay Pio is also afraid that the soldiers of the 11th IB might leave the place. Well, he has a reason to be. Tatay Pio is one among the six villagers who first came out and testified against the rebel group. According to Tatay Pio, the rebels once told him that “makapatawad sila’g kawatan, nungka ang tabi-an”. (They could forgive a thief but not a gossip).

Though the place still bear the marks left behind by the insurgents, it is slowly recovering with the help of the local government and the army. The village was given a water system which makes the villagers’ life easier; an additional classroom was constructed for the use of the children in their village Elementary school and the local government is already planning to construct a farm to market road which will help the village greatly.

They say that you can only appreciate something if you have already experienced it. Making the TV Documentary allowed us to experience how it feels to produce your own film, research your own materials, and as well as hone our abilities in announcing, scriptwriting and video recording.

The activity taught us to deal with an entirely different set of people that we are used to mingle with. It taught us to be resourceful as we have to make use of a meager budget, limited crew and uncertain accommodations. The experience we had in Linantuyan made us realize that we can actually do something even if we lack a lot of things; that we only need determination and motivation to do it.

We went to Linantuyan to find the truth about the status of the place. Until now, I am not sure if we really did find the truth but I am fairly certain that the villagers shared their stories in their own free will and that they were not coerced in anyway to talk to us. We asked them so many things about the place, the years with the rebels, and even the alleged harassments made by the soldiers and all these they answered willingly.

Fear remains in the hearts of the people of Linantuyan. I guess they can never really be assured of their safety especially that they know that the people who are securing their place now could easily be assigned anywhere in the future. However, I am optimistic that the village and its people will fully recover from the long years they had spent in the hands of the rebels and the negative image of Linantuyan will finally be cleared.

I guess I am one with the people of Linantuyan in their belief that someday, they will finally find peace. And for the sake of the Linantuyanons, I hope it comes soon.

insensitive

2009-06-15T07:19:00.000+08:00

just when I thought I've finally forgotten
just when I am finally living my life without you
just when I thought I am finally free of you
you came from out of nowhere and break my heart again.

Silly you. Silly me.
want to break my heart again? Sure.
I'll break your neck.Stupid.
Go away. Leave me alone.

what do you get when you watch porn movies?

2009-06-14T18:49:00.000+08:00

And what do you get from making sex videos? I mean, really?...

Call me self-righteous or what but I do think making (as well as spreading) sex videos (either private or commercial) is perversity. And by watching those videos, you don't get anything by watching those people having sex. Only the porn industry earns from it. And to think that they are earning millions while the people in the videos were never compensated for their ruined reputations.

Of course, people from the pornography business does not also pay taxes so even the government can't get anything from them. And to think that some of the "actors" in the videos are minors and some are people who has no inkling that their act is being recorded. Poor people.

Shouldn't sex remain a private activity? Does the whole world need to participate while you're doing the act? If that is so, then why didn't you just do it in the middle of a really crowded place? Of course, that would be blatant exhibitionism right? But if you don't mind the rest of the world watching your video, why would you mind them seeing in you in the act?

I don't think there is anything good in pornography. It's sick really. A really really sick business.
Maybe I am a manang, but at least I don't bare myself in public and spill tears of regrets later.

whatever happened to Filipino action movies?

2009-06-14T17:12:00.000+08:00

I'm certainly not that old but I could still clearly remember the days of Lito Lapid, Jestoni Alarcon, Ace Espinosa, Bong Revilla and so on.

Not that I like any of their movies. Its just that, I wonder what happened to action movies as the Philippine cinema is clearly dominated now by mushy love stories (title pa lang alam mo na ang ending) and horror stories. Even comedies are getting rare.

Is there no more market for tagalog action films? What ever happened to all those "action stars" who used to rule the silver screen?

Well, if they ever make action movies again, I just hope they would finally be creative with their titles. And please, the plot has been so generic.

some things

2009-06-14T16:41:00.000+08:00

Some things are better kept secret.
Some things are better left alone.
Some things are better off unsaid.
Especially if that some thing does not conform with what the rest believes to be normal and proper.

secrets can sometimes be a burden but they can also be sweet. You know, just a special something between yourself and you.

Some. Things. Are. Just. So. Amazing.
such a pity they can't be shared.

pinch me here

2009-06-14T16:06:00.000+08:00

Pain can sometimes be good.
It reminds us of what we are,
---human and vulnerable.

just something

2009-06-14T15:58:00.000+08:00

shhhh...
Something happened.
Something changed.
Sweet secret.
Tell no one.

unknown

2009-06-14T14:17:00.000+08:00

i looked around me and tried to see
i strained to listen but couldn't hear anything
i wanted to open my mouth and speak
no words came out

beating so fast, my heart is about to break
i was surrounded by fear
mocked by the shadows around me

i closed my eyes
i surrendered to what i do not know
hoping that everything is a dream

my heart beats faster
until i couldn't feel it anymore

Kiss me goodbye

2009-06-13T12:12:00.000+08:00

Eyes stinging.

Heart breaking.

Tears flowing.

It’s time to depart.

One kiss.

A legacy.

A remembrance of what used to be.

To love is fulfillment.

To be loved is a dream.

Never again.

Apathy

2009-04-28T20:11:00.000+08:00

Apathy

My name is Apathy;
I have eyes, but I don’t see,
I have ears, but they don’t hear,
I have lips, but I don’t speak.

My name is Apathy;
Indifference is my brother,
Insensitive is my sister,
Concern is my enemy,
And so is Sympathy,
Empathy and the rest of their family

My name is Apathy;
When I see pain and suffering, I look away
When I hear cries and moans, I cover my ears
I do not want to look,
I do not want to take part,
I live in my own world.
I live for myself,
I serve for my happiness

My eyes are covered with roses
My ears only hears the sound of music
My lips were made to be zipped

Is the world suffering?
I didn’t know.
What of death, war, and poverty?
I have no idea.

The cries of a million hungry souls,
I do not hear.
The tears of a million broken hearts,
I do not see.

I do not see.
I do not hear.
I do not feel.

I am Apathy,
And you are my friend.

Sometimes, I wish fairy godmothers are real

2009-04-16T10:47:00.000+08:00

Someday I'm going to get all these...

*DSLR Camera. Love taking pictures. Love photography though I don't think I've got the talent for it.
*Laptop. I want to have one but I don't think I'll be having one soon. Muntik na sana ako magkaganito, sayang...
* A really beautiful house by the beach
* Rest house in the mountains
* Private resort
* Private plane
* Bodyguard
* Personal Masseur. Kasi laging masakit ang likod ko.
* My own chef. Dahil hindi naman ako marunong magluto.

Someday I want to become...

* A journalist.
* A social worker. I want to go to the mountains and teach the illiterate Filipinos, or build clinics in the most remote areas in the country. I want to help people, I want to help everybody have a better life.
* A photographer. Take pictures of people, places, things...anything.
* A Painter. Though I don't have any artistic abilities, I wanted to much to learn how to paint.
* A pilot. I want to fly my own plane and be free even just for a while.
* A traveler. I love traveling, I love culture, I love people, I love scenes, I love history and art and archeology. I want to see everything that the world can show me.

I want to do a lot of things. I guess my whole lifetime is not enough to fulfill everything I dreamed of doing.

But in reality, I just want to make a difference in a world that I cannot change. In reality, I just want to make my time in this world fulfilling and worth living.

One more step

2009-04-16T10:29:00.000+08:00

Just take one more step and it will all be over.
I wish its as easy as that. I wish making a decision in life is as easy as putting your foot forward.
But its not and it never will. Life is complicated, that is reality. But its the complications that makes life exciting.

In love with my bestfriend?

2009-03-29T15:37:00.000+08:00

I've been teased for so long now and I think its time to clear everything for the benefit of everybody.

No, I am definitely not in love with my best friend or specifically my ex-best friend. For sometime now I had been wondering myself if I am or I am not. Huwhat?Come again?...

Yes, I had been wondering too. I would be honest to admit that I miss my best friend and all the times we laughed and quarreled. I miss our petty arguments and our shallowness. I miss the fun we had. But if you call this falling in love then I guess I am in love with a lot of people lately.

I miss my best friend but I am not in love with him. Maybe I was attracted to him before, which is not impossible since he is a person everybody will like at first glance, but in love with him? No. I should think not. Besides, were no longer friends.

He already found new people he could hang out with and practically forget my existence. I am not jealous with his friends because if they can make him happy then so be it. I know for a fact that it is just normal for people to find new friends and lost in touch with others.

Well, its a bit sad really. It hurts to know that the friendship you tried to preserve so much could vanish in just a snap. But hey! that's life!

So I hope I made it clear now. And I hope people would stop teasing me about it.

a piece of me

2009-03-25T23:44:00.000+08:00

A piece of my heart
is a piece of my soul

A piece of my heart
is a piece of my life

Take a piece
its yours to keep
Take a piece
its all I can give

Take it whole
and you'll take my life
Take it whole
and you'll take my soul
Take it and keep it
but you can't break it

My heart is a treasure
delicate and precious
Take only a piece
for there's a price to pay
a ransom, a fee
in case you break me

a drop of your blood
for every piece you take
a drop of your blood
for every tear you let fall
a drop of your blood
for every time it breaks

every piece of my heart
is a piece of my life
every piece of my heart
is a piece of me

take it.
keep it.
treasure it.

Or better not take anything at all.
==============
march 25, 2009.

Age Gap

2009-03-25T12:19:00.000+08:00

A deafening silence
A wall between us
A gulf created by hate

You scream but nobody hears
I scream but nobody cares
Blood all around us
Imagined and real

They covered our eyes
So we won’t see
They covered our ears
So we won’t hear
They covered our mouths
So we couldn’t speak

In their eyes
We are young
In their minds
We know nothing

We wanted to be free
You wanted to be you
And I wanted to be me
Was it so much to ask?
Was it so much to give?

We stopped screaming
We tried to listen
But the silence is deafening
We cannot live in this
We cannot live with this

But the gulf has already been created
The wall is already there
We will never understand them
And they will never understand us

(by the Frog Princess, March 2009)

I was born for a reason

2009-03-24T20:11:00.000+08:00

I always know I was born for a reason. I just don't know what. Or at least, not at this moment.
I refuse to accept that I was born out of an accident. If I wasn't meant to be here, I will never be here.

Nobody in this world was ever born out of an accident. You are here because you are meant to be here.

I have my dreams. I have plans I've laid out for myself. I have everything in order. But I know that whatever planning I make, if it's not the way God wants me to take then He will make a way to lead me away from it.

My dreams are my guide. It gives me a reason to strive everyday. It gives me a reason to wake up in the morning and do whatever I can do to make my dreams nearer to me. I think I know where my path is leading. I think I had known long before I entered college. It has always lead this way.

I don't know why exactly I was chosen to be born in this particular place, with these particular people. I don't know the significance of everything happening in my life; the significance of every single detail; of every single person. I cannot explain everything about me or even understand everything happening to me but I know that everything happens for a reason.

For two decades that I have been living in this world I had come to accept that God is the one and only Captain of my life. I am here because of Him and He alone knows what He wants with my life. I can only follow.

People around me may see me as a person of no religious inclination. Maybe they are right. Maybe I don't have. But I believe that as long as I have accepted Christ in my life and as long as I remain faithful to him, then religion is of no importance.

I already cast all my burdens to Him, though sometimes I still have the tendency to carry the burden in my heart. In my heart, I have come to accept that if I open my heart to Him and lay down everything He will give what I pray for.

I may not understand His purpose for me but I don't have any plans of questioning it. I will never again doubt His plans for me because for so many times in my life, He showed me that He gives to those who ask and knows how to wait.

I know I am here for a reason. I know somewhere God has prepared something for me. I know that somewhere, God has prepared someone for me. I don't know what it is or who it will be but I know that when it comes, I will know.

I am here for a reason. And that is something that I am waiting to find out.

something I could never understand

2009-03-22T15:44:00.000+08:00

Babies.
I am always amazed when I see babies. In fact, I am amazed whenever I am in one of those moods and start observing the people around me.

The "miracles of life" has never failed to amaze me. Whenever I see a child, I could not help but wonder how this tiny creature had evolved from a tiny embryo to something I could touch and hold. I am always left speechless by the thought that these tiny creatures grew within the body of another human being. Simply amazing.

I guess there is nothing more amazing in this world than this.

Even with grown ups. I couldn't help but see the baby in them. I couldn't help but imagine them as babies, wonder what they were like when they were children and be amazed at how humans can actually evolve from helpless embryos to ferocious monsters.

Touching the people around me, hugging them or even just looking at them, I couldn't help but wonder how they had metamorphosed from that creature inside the womb to what they are now. God, life is amazing!

Just look at that photo (taken from yahoo photos). Who would have thought that we were all like that before? Who would have thought we all came from that? Who would have thought that we all came from one microscopic sperm cell and one microscopic egg cell?

And imagine that it grew right inside your body? God...how did God ever designed this body I could not imagine.

A child inside you body. A child coming out of your tiny body. A child growing up and becoming an adult. God...you never fail to amaze me...simply wonderful!

A Lesson of Faith

2009-03-20T10:33:00.000+08:00

I first read the story when I was an incoming first year HS student and I've always treasured it ever since. I cannot recall the story in verbatim but I could tell you the gist of the story.

It goes this way:

A man was driving home late one night. When he had an accident. The man is a Christian. He was raised in a Christian family, he studied in Christian schools. He goes to church, he prays, needless to say, the man is a devout Christian.

As his car fell into the edge of the cliff, the man was able to get out of the car and managed to cling on a branch of a tree. He was so scared that he started praying to God to deliver him from his predicament. He prayed so hard and sincerely that God answered him.

God said, "If you believe in me, let go of the tree"
The man was bewildered. He did not let go, instead asked God why He wanted him to let go when he had been a faithful servant of God all along.
The man said, " I had been faithful to you Lord. I go to church regularly. I give tithes. I pray. I do good things, why are you abandoning me now?"
God answered the man, "If you trust me, let go of the tree"
The man still refused to let go and held even more to the the branch of the tree.
This went on for hours and the man began to get tired. His arms were aching already from being suspended for so long. But still, he refused to let go. He closed his eyes and waited for help to come.

When daylight came, the man opened his eyes and looked down from where he is hanging. He was so surprised to find out that he is barely a foot from the ground.

The story is actually a reflection of our relationship with God. There are a lot of us, me included, who will not hesitate to say that I believe in God and that I trust Him. There are a lot of us who has been brought up in devout Christian families who goes to church 3-5 times a week, prays regularly, does all the good works, gives our tithes and offerings to the church and so on. Yet, when God tells us to trust in Him we prefer to follow our stubborn minds instead.

If the man let go of the tree right away he could have saved himself from the pain, exhaustion and humiliation. Yet he did not because he could not believe that by letting go of the tree he would live.

Sometimes I am like that man. I pray to God, I say I trust him and yet when God tests me I start to doubt. They say faith is believing in something that you cannot see. Its believing that you can breathe even without seeing the air. Its believing that you will be saved even when you don't know by whom and when.

One of the things I learned in my life is not to question God's plan in your life. No matter how much you try to control things, God will always have the last say. You just have to trust Him and cast your burdens to Him because He will allow things to happen according to His purpose.

Many times in my life I questioned God's plan for me. Sometimes, when I am in so much pain I would cry and pray to Him and ask Him what He really wants to do to me. A lot of times I asked God what's His plan in my life is, why He lets things happen as they are, why He never did anything to stop it from happening, why He would allow me to get hurt when He was the one who wanted me in this world in the first place.

Then I would look back at all the things that happened to me and I would realize that God is teaching me a lesson and making me tough for the greater challenges that awaits me. He allowed people to hurt me and desert me because He wants me to be strong and learn to stand firm when things starts to get rough.

God will not let things happen without a reason. You just have to trust Him to guide you and keep you safe and strong as you go on your journey. All else may fail but Faith will always keep you going.

what my heart truly says...

2009-03-18T10:22:00.000+08:00

(this post is dedicated to all my classmates)
You've known me as a person who says what I think and what I feel but very few of you knows that I could never bring myself to say the things that really matters. I am not very verbal when it comes to my feelings to the people around me. I could lash out in anger and say things that could hurt people but I could never bring myself to tell any of you what's really inside my heart.

I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for all the things I did that could have hurt you or offend you. I'm sorry if I never told you or made you feel how important you are to me. I'm sorry because I am a person who could never really express my feelings for others.

And now the end is here. You are now leaving, and some have already left yet I still couldn't find the energy to tell you how important you are all to me. I still couldn't bring myself to tell you how much you all mean to me and how much your presence made a mark in my life. I could only smile at you and tell you to take care even if what I wanted to do is hug you really tight and tell you how much I love you and how much I would miss you.

But I did not because I could never really do that. I could hug you but I could not tell you those words. I could tell you to take care but I could never tell you how much it hurts to see you all in academic regalia beaming with pride. I could never tell you how much it hurts to know that we will no longer be together in coming school year. I could never tell you how much it hurts to know that we will never share another moment together.

I went to you graduation to congratulate all of you and wish you luck, also to say goodbye to Hannah. I was so happy to see you all even though a part of me tells me to just go home because you will be too busy to notice me anyway. Good thing I did not because I might not have another chance to hug Hannah again.

I will stand by what I said that I will not shed a tear of you because I know that all of you are in better hands now. I have long accepted the fact that nothing in this world will ever stay and everything will be gone and everybody will have to leave. I have long accepted the fact that we could not really stay with each other forever, that there is really no such thing as forever. We have to leave each other, we have to separate ways.

But this does not mean that I will forget any of you or the memories we shared. I could never bring my self to do so even if I wanted to. I will always treasure the moments I spent with all of you. I will always remember the good times we spent with each other. Even the bad times.

I pray you all the best. I pray that all of you will succeed. I pray that all of you will always be safe. I pray that all of you will find your way.

...because you can never really say goodbye...

2009-03-17T12:52:00.000+08:00

Saying goodbye to the people that you cared for the most is probably the most painful thing in the world. You can utter the words but your heart never really learn to mean it. At the back of you mind and in your heart, you still harbor the idea that you could stop it from happening, that you could stop the words from going out of your mouth.

To be separated from the people you love is an agony. To let go of the people very dear to you is painful and a torture. Yet, somehow, life is designed that way. At some point, you have to let go of the people you love no matter how much you want to keep them in your arms.

I've said goodbye so many times in my life. I could utter the words as easily as I could utter hello. But until now, I could never bring my heart to understand that though goodbyes may not be forever, still some goodbyes can last forever.

Sometimes I think that its better not to know people at all if they are not meant to stay but then again, I wouldn't be who I am if I did not met those people I've said goodbye to.

Nothing really lasts forever. Not even the earth, not even the sky. Somehow everything changes. Everything. Even goodbyes.

Lolo, I miss you.

2009-02-03T00:04:00.000+08:00

He was a writer, a real patriot and a leader.

I am not talking about Andres Bonifacio or of any other great men of history. He wasn’t as famous as them. He was only known in his little town. He wasn’t rich enough to build a mansion for his family, but he built a home which nestled and protected his wife and children.

He was well loved by his people. In his little barangay, he was quite popular even after he left. He was a man who values education so much that even when he was sick he would call his grandchildren and teaches them to read. His patriotism borders the exceptional. He was so loyal to his country that he wouldn’t eat canned goods from abroad. I remembered quiet well how his children would connive to hide the cans and labels of those imported foods and things given by their friends. It was funny to reminisce those times.

He loved books. He loved news, politics and his grandchildren. Though he never saw them grow up and reach their dreams.

Yes, he is gone now. The man who had been patient enough to teach his grandchildren their math during summer vacations. He was good enough to bring his granddaughters to their favorite fast food even if he was quiet short of cash. He was exceptional enough to influence a granddaughter at a young age. He was the best, if not better than the best grandfather in the world.

He was my Lolo and I was his favorite apo. Or so they say.

Funny, but I inherited everything from my Lolo, and it’s not just the looks. He was a writer, and I am a student journalist. He was asthmatic, and so am I. He loves news, his writings and books. Of course, so do I.

They say I am following the footsteps of my late grandfather. Among his grandchildren, I was the only one who showed interest in his craft, though they did not seem to notice the potential in one of my cousins.

My grandfather is my hero. He is my muse, so to say. Despite the fact that he died when I was still small, I could still clearly remember how he would bring me to my favorite ice cream house, teach me my math, and hear me read or do my monologue. He never gets tired of teaching us and instilling in us the value of education.

I inherited from him my writing skills, my love for books and my appreciation for knowledge. Sad to say, I never learned to love math despite the fact that he never failed to tutor us with it during summer.

The latter years of his life was spent in hospitals. I remembered visiting him the day before he died. I was the last grandchild he saw.

In a way, I hated my grandfather for leaving me. I loved him so much that all this years I would still find myself missing him. It has been nine years since he left me and I still long for the day when I would go home and he would hug me. I still long for the day when I could hear his voice again and he would hear me do my monologues, or agonize over my out of tune voice while I sing to him my favorite songs. I long for his company when I watch news broadcasts in television. I miss my grandfather so much, and no words can describe the longing that I felt.

I wish he could see me now. I wish he could see how near I am in becoming a journalist. I wish he could see my name in our weekly student newspaper and he would beam with pride. Yes, Lolo, my name is in the newspaper too. I am a writer just like you.

But all I can do now is wish. My Lolo is in a far away place now. I don’t know if he could see me cry every night. I don’t know if he misses me too. It doesn’t matter though. As long as he is alive in my heart, even death could not separate us. As long as I keep his memory alive, he will be with me.

Someday, I will become a journalist, a writer just like my Lolo. I know he will be proud of that. I hope I could see him smile each time he would see my name in the newspaper or see me in television.

Yes Lolo, I hope you are smiling now. I am still a thousand steps away from my dream, but don’t worry Lolo I can reach it. I will gladly go the thousand steps for you.

I hope you could read this in heaven Lolo, or do you have newspapers there too?

Don’t worry Lolo; I will keep all my writings so if the time comes that we would meet again you can read everything.

For now, I’d settle for the memory of your smile.

English is a Crazy Language (Author unknown)

2009-01-23T17:09:00.000+08:00

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Found this during one of my cyber wanderings...Its fun and its amazingly true...

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one loose tooth, 2 leese teeth? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo or a truck by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? Lift a thumb to thumb a lift? Table a plan in order to plan a table?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can a person be "pretty ugly?"

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another. Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who *are* spring chickens or who would actually hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. Why is "crazy man" an insult, while to insert a comma and say "crazy, man!" is a compliment (as when applauding a jazz performance.)

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

Sore Thumb

2009-01-19T08:17:00.000+08:00

For thirty nine years the Philippine government has been at war with the New People’s Army, more or less two decades with the Islamic Militant group Abu Sayyaf, and three decades with the Moro Islamic Liberation Front. Needless to say the Philippines has been spending years of conflict with no imminent end in sight.

The fact that the country’s problem on insurgency is not as worst as those of other countries is something that Filipinos should be thankful for; but the fact that its there is also something to be worried about.

Like corruption, insurgency has been like a particularly stubborn weed which simply refuses to die no matter how many times you try to trample on it. The war between government forces and various rebel groups has been on going for decades now and has claimed hundreds of lives, ruined properties, families, and the prospect of a progressive Philippines.

Mindanao is an island with strong potentials in the tourism industry as well as business potentials. But the on going conflict in various places in the island has smeared Mindanao’s reputation. It created the image of Mindanao as a war torn place that could bring danger to anybody who sets foot in it instead of an island abundant in natural resources and teeming with possibilities. These possibilities are often overshadowed by news of kidnappings, bombings, ambush and encounters.

The presence of armed groups, reinforced by stories of kidnappings and violence, scares off and discourages potential investors. The clashes between government and rebel troops have constantly displace residents of affected places, traumatized them as well as ruin their livelihoods. How can one expect progress with these?

Aside from these, the Armed Forces of the Philippines is spending millions of pesos to finance the equipment needed by the troops in Mindanao. If the war escalates, the Armed Forces would need more equipment, more troops; hence, a bigger budget. And additional budget to the defense department would mean lesser budget to the other departments.

The on-going conflict in Mindanao has been like a sore thumb, sticking out and making its presence felt no matter how you try to pretend that its not there. The on going conflict affects the business and tourism potential of Mindanao and is, therefore, impeding the chance of the country to develop and progress.

This conflict is a product of the Moros fight for self-determination as a people with distinct history and identity. A fight which gave birth to the Moro National Liberation Front (MNLF) in the 1970’s and eventually to the MILF as the latter broke away from the MNLF. The ensuing conflicts that erupted between Moro and Christian paramilitary troops gave way to the war that became a burden to the country for 30 years.

For ten years now there had been peace talks between the government and the MILF. These peace talks enable negotiation between both parties for them to arrive at an agreement that would finally put the Mindanao conflict to rest.

With the presence of the NPA, Abu Sayyaf and other revolutionary and criminal groups, the war in Mindanao has never really ended. However the peace talks between the MILF and the government, at least, gave the government one less enemy to hunt.
The conflict in Mindanao, and the problem on insurgency as a whole, speaks a lot of things. It does not only symbolize the Moros struggle for autonomy but it eloquently speaks of the people’s distrust and dissatisfaction with the government.

The biggest problem that the Philippines faces is not the fact that it is geographically divided; but the fact that the people refuse to acknowledge that despite the problem on geography they are still bound under one race and must, therefore, learn to work together for good. Regardless of the differences in dialect, ethnicity and religion, they are all Filipinos who belong to one country that is presently plagued with poverty and corruption.

The Philippines is constantly facing problems that test its resolve as a country aiming for progress and development. But no matter how hard the country tries to move forward a lot of issues impede its pace. Unless these issues are properly addressed there can be no real development in the country. It is time that the sore thumb heals.

(Written October 29, 2008)

Friendster vs Multiply

2009-01-16T22:43:00.000+08:00

Both are social networks. Both have millions of members.
But whose the best?

Of course you could always say that it depends on which one suits you best. But let us be honest about it, which one offers the best features? Let's take a look.

While both are user0friendly, Multiply offers more privacy for those who does not want to share their life to the rest of the world. You can upload unlimited photos, videos, songs, and of course, Blogs. For those who only wants to share their lives on the people they know, Multiply would suit them fine. Your profiles can only be viewed by people who knows your web address or is in your network. You may also upload personal files and is allowed to choose whether you want it shared to everybody, your network or to a select few you choose to share with.

On the downside however, for those who loves personalizing their pages, Multiply can be very hard to customize and only those who are really adept in CSS or are lucky enough to find layouts and themes they like can really personalize their pages. Those who likes to have many friends in their network may not like multiply that much. Unlike in friendster where everybody seemed eager to have new friends, most Multiply user are picky in accepting invites. And because only those you like or likes you enough to accept your invite can be in your network, your friendslist can be very small. Which is a blessing for those who does not really like that much of 'joiners' in their lives.

Meanwhile, I guess everybody will agree that friendster is more user-friendly than multiply. Here you can find long lost friends in just a click and expand your network almost without limit. You can also have albums though you are only allowed to have few and not allowed to uplaod videos. Friendster also offers fun widgets, group features, bulletin where you can announce or post anything, shout out your feelings to the world, and allows you to totally make-over your profile.

But for those who loves blogging, uploading videos and photos, friendster is very limited. Spams are also common and anybody can just view your profile. Although they do have the security features which allows you to choose whether you want anybody to view your profile or just those from your network. Your profile page an also be very crowded if you try to add all the widgets you love.

When it comes to features and security and privacy, it is more advisable to use multiply. But when it comes to connectibility and user-friendly features, friendster is the network to go.

So, which between the two I would choose?
I guess both. They both have their flaws but if you use them together, you can have the best of both. *wink**wink*

My Top Filipino Horror Movies (through the years)

2009-01-16T12:53:00.000+08:00

Horror is one genre that will never run out of audience. Everybody wants to be scared witless no matter how much we try to say the we wanted otherwise.

Here are some movies that scared (and used to scare) me:

1. 'Wag Kang Lilingon. Starring Kristine Hermosa, Anne Curtis, and Marvin Agustin.
Maybe I was not that scared with this movie but I can't help but admire the plot. The twist in the story is so amazing that I watched it again and again.
Who would have thought that a seemingly harmless nurse could be the cause of a series of deaths that she herself was investigating?

"Kung mahal mo ako, wag kang lilingon..."

It was in this movie that I saw Anne's potential as an actress and how much she had grown through the years.

2. Feng Shui. (Starring Kris Aquino, etc)
I would honestly say that I did got scared with this movie. I was also surprised with Kris Aquino's acting because I really used to hate the way she acts. I don't think there is a need for me to elaborate on this as Feng Shui is considered as one of the best filipino horror movies of today.

3. Mag-ingat sa Kulam (with Judy Ann Santos, Dennis Trillo and Sharlene San Pedro)
Amazing, scary and amazing!
I was covering my eyes the whole time. The special effects are really something and worth applauding. Like "Wag kang lilingon" the twist in Kulam really scared the hell out of me.
It was a story of Maria and Mira, twins who grew up with a witchdoctor mother who trained them to use their powers. Mira reluctantly follows while Maria eagerly accepts the powers. When she is old enough to leave, Mira left their place and went to a faraway place to study where she eventually became a top agent in her company.
After Mira had an accident and lost her memory she started behaving oddly and seemed to see ghosts. With the help of his former lover, Mira remembered about Maria and slowly started to understand the horrors happening to her.
She was warned by a witch doctor they had consulted that when the eclipse comes, she could never escape the powers of her twin sister Maria. She was scared as well as her family and prepared for the arrival of her sister's spirit.
On the night of the eclipse, the family was separated and Maria found the book of witchcraft given to Maria by their mother and suddenly remembered everything.
"Ako si Maria..."

Realizing what happened, Maria (trapped in Mira's body) set out to kill her sister's shocked and confused family. Knowing that this will happen, Mira left a video tape to her husband instructing him what to do in case of her death. Paul (Dennis Trillo) followed the instructions and, before he could be killed by the avenging Maria, was able to destroy the spirit of his wicked sister in law.

The only hitch of this movie is the final appearance of Mira's ghost. It would have been better if it wasn't shown and allowed the movie to end as it is. It would have been more scary. The arrival of the ghost made the story more unrealistic than it should be.

4. Multo in the City
I don't exactly remember who were the characters in this movie or who directed it and when was it released but this was one of those horror movies which really scared me when I was in the elementary. I remembered the story revolved around an unearthed skeleton of a child which made her mother's ghost haunt the school where it was found. If I'm not mistaken the ghost was portrayed by Jacklyn Jose and she was really scary with the black veil and the look in her eyes.

6. Shake, Rattle and Roll
I forgot what episode but I know it was the story wherein a little girl was locked in a cabinet by hre brother and died in there. The little girl started haunting the cabinet. After watchng that movie, I refused to open any cabinet and would even imagine the face of the child inside it. When I was younger I used to think that I could hear a child crying from the cabinet in our house. Even until now when I would be reminded of the movie I would get chills whenever I would be near a cabinet. Any cabinet. =)

7. Patayin sa Sindak si Barbara
I don't know what scared me about this movie. All I know is that, whenever this movie is mentioned I would feel a kind of fear brought about by something that's supposed to happen. I don't know. Its like being scared by a memory you can't even remember.

8. Dear Tita Helen
I am not sure if it was the right title but I know it was a movie which starred Sharon Cuneta and I think Julie Vega. It was something about exorcism and the face of Julie Vega was really really scary. Especially with her floating and and having those green bubble like thingy coming out of her mouth. I was so scared after. I remembered that people said that it was one of the last movies where Julie Vega appeared and superstitious people said that the exorcism scene caused her death.

9. Maalaala Mo Kaya- Halloween Special Episode
It wasn't a movie but it was scary. It was the episode where Judy Ann was possesed by evil spirits because she cursed God after her family was killed. I was really scared with the scene wher Judy Ann was floating outside the window and laughing.

I don't know about others but these movies really made a mark in my mind and really scared me like hell. Maybe I'm just a scaredy-cat or maybe...their just that scary.

"IT" by Stephen King

2009-01-16T12:25:00.000+08:00

One of the scariest books I've ever read. Stephen King is simply, remarkable!
A story of seven children confronted by evil beyond imagining, It is one novel that would make sleeping at night a really scary adventure.

In the town of Derry, Maine there is a horror that only seven children knows about. Children were being killed and mutilated and the people of Derry thought that a serial killer was on the loose but only the members of the Losers Club (Bill Denbrough, Eddie Kaspbrak, Beverly Morgan, Ben Hanscom, Richie Tozier, Stan Uris, and Mike Hanlon) knows the truth.

Only the children knows about Pennywise the clown and went on to battle with the malevolent clown the many evil disguises of his. In a battle they had won with help of the turtle, the Losers club promised that when IT returns they go back to Derry and fight it again.

And when it returns, it haunted them one by one promising that none of them will livc. Will they survive?

It, like most of Stephen King's novels, was elaborately and excellently written. The plot was complicated but easily understood. The scenes are simplistic and harmless enough yet could bring chills in your bones when you try and close your eyes.

What makes it chilling is the way it is written itself. Stephen King is a master of description and the scenes are vividly descripted enough that reading IT could make you feel like you are in Derry and chased by Pennywise and his many guises. Reading IT is not scary as it is but when you put down the book and let the words sink in to your system, that's when Pennywise comes in.

IT is definitely one King's best novel.

(for more info about IT, please visit this site...IT)

OPM Song: Kanlungan

2009-01-16T12:07:00.000+08:00

Probably one of the best Filipino songs that I've heard, Kanlungan is a song of change. One of the few songs that could really touch your hearts, Kanlungan talks about inevitable changes that come along as we journey through life. It looks back to time when everything seemed fine and nothing could separate two hearts.

It is not only a song of love but also a song of friendship. It is a song that tells about life itself and the happiness, pains and regrets that goes with it.

Kanlungan
by Noel Cabangon
Chorus:
Pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon?

Natatandaan mo pa ba
Nang tayong dal’wa ang unang nagkita?
Panahon ng kamusmusan
Sa piling ng mga bulaklak at halaman
Doon tayong nagsimulang
Mangarap at tumula

Natatandaan mo pa ba
Inukit kong puso sa punong mangga
At ang inalay kong gumamela
Magkahawak-kamay sa dalampasigan
Malayang tulad ng mga ibon
Ang gunita ng ating kahapon

Refrain 1:
Ang mga puno’t halaman
Ay kabiyak ng ating gunita
Sa paglipas ng panahon
Bakit kailangan ding lumisan?

[Repeat Chorus]

Ngayon ikaw ay nagbalik
At tulad ko rin ang iyong pananabik
Makita ang dating kanlungan
Tahanan ng ating tula at pangarap
Ngayon ay naglaho na
Saan hahanapin pa?

Refrain 2:
Lumilipas ang panahon
Kabiyak ng ating gunita
Ang mga puno’t halaman
Bakit kailangang lumisan?

[Repeat Chorus]
[Repeat Refrain 2]
[Repeat Chorus]

Catherine, Called Birdy

2009-01-15T18:54:00.000+08:00

"She's not your average damsel in distress..."
says the book's cover. And indeed she is!

Set in England in the year 1290, Catherine, is a daughter of a knight and a lady was trapped in a world were women have no power to speak their minds, do what they like most and marry whom they choose.

Written in a journal style of writing (very much like those of Anne Frank's Diary, the only difference is that Anne did actually lived), the Lady Catherine narrated her everyday life in the "Manor of Stonebridge, in the shire of Lincoln, in the country of England, In the hands of God..." or that's how she wrote it.

Growing in an era where women's rights is still unheard of, the Lady Catherine is already on her wits to win against her father who is bent on marrying her to whoever should offer marriage to his daughter and wealthy enough to suit his tastes. Tasked to write and account of her days by her brother Edward (who seeks to make her observant, thoughtful and learned), Catherine recounted her days full of adventures (and misadventures) and shared her thoughts on how women are treated in those days.

Funny and thought-provoking, this little book pictures the England of 1200's, a totally different England of today. Written by Karen Cushman, "Catherine, Called Birdy" is a book which shows us how lucky we are to live in this era.

24th Day of September
The stars and my family align to make my life black and miserable. My mother seeks to make me a fine lady-- dumb, docile and accomplished-- so I must take lady-lessons and keep my mouth closed. My father, the toad, conspires to sell me like cheese to some lack-wit seeking a wife.
What makes this clodpole suitor anxious to have me? I am no beauty, being sun-browned and gray-eyed, with poor eyesight and a stubborn dispostion.
Corpus Bones! He comes to dine with us in two days' time. I plan to cross my eyes and drool in my meat.

Different from the other ladies of her time, Catherine seeks to do what others deemed as inappropriate for a young lady (i.e, climb trees, laugh aloud, cut their hair, wear nothing, etc.). She is always seeking for ways to escape her suitors and her sewing. Always wondering why men are allowed to do things while women not.

Catherine is a funny and interesting character who best resembles women who always knows what they want with their lives. Strong-willed and clever, Catherine is a personification of a woman who will do everything to have her way.

Reading her funny narratives, Catherine does not only gives a picture of long ago England and how women are being treated but also of how women tries to fight their way to gain the freedom that they deserve. This book is definitely a good-read, especially for those who believes and fights for women's rights.

Women empowerment, this is what the book is really all about.
Reading Birdy's diary, I could say that, indeed, she is not your average damsel in distress...

Marry Me

2009-01-13T17:06:00.000+08:00

"A story about a girl who likes a boy and a boy who likes his BMX bike..."
This was how the movie I found in YouTube was described by its uploader. I forgot who uploaded it and who directed the movie but what I know is that, the movie was simply fantastic.

I don't have the talent of describing things to people and 'fantastic' is the only thing I could think of as of now. Oh yeah, there is another one, fantastic and funny.

I never really have the plan of watching that movie but I was killing time yesterday and clicked it. I guess I was lucky that I did otherwise I wouldn't find this treasure.

The story is about a little girl who did everything so the little boy (named Jason) would notice her. It was a battle between the bike and the girl actually. The girl wants to be notice by Jason but Jason does not care for anything other than his bike. The 7 minute film was really funny as the girl did everything to catch the attention of the 'boy her dreams'.

I couldn't get the link but you can view it in youtube. I guess you just have to search for it.
But I'm sure its worth your while. Its one of those independent short films you can't help but love.

Online Movies

2009-01-12T03:23:00.000+08:00

I always wanted to watch the movie "The Ballet Shoes" ever since I've read about it in Emma Watson's website (Yes, I love Emma Watson!). It has been months ago since I did and luckily I found the video in mymovies.ws, an online movie downloading website where I was able to watch the movie.

I was told the storyline is great. I've read that the book was great. I watched Emma Watson's interview on YouTube and she said the script is great. I did not know it was THAT GREAT!

I seldom like movies that are not thriller/adventure/horror in genre and The Ballet Shoes is one among the best non-horror movies I have watched and liked. The story is full of emotions and the acting was so convincing.

According to a summary provided in the IMDb Website, "Set in Thirties London, Ballet Shoes tells the exhilarating tale of orphans Pauline, Petrova and Posy Fossil, who are adopted by an eccentric explorer, Gum, and raised as sisters by his selfless niece. The timeless and uplifting story revolves around each girl's struggle to fulfil her dreams: Pauline longs to be an actress, Petrova yearns to be an aviator, and Posy seems born to be a ballerina. But when Gum disappears, the money runs out - and the girls have a fight on their hands. Their struggle to balance personal ambition with the need to survive physically, emotionally, and financially, proves moving and comic by turns. Written by BBC Press Office"

I think the movie teaches you how much you can do if you put your heart to something. It makes you understand that no problem could ever hinder you from reaching your dreams if you are brave enough to face it, that there is a solution to every problem and that, life becomes easier when you are sorrounded by people you care for and cares for you.

It also shows what arrogance could do to you and how much selfishness could affect not only your life but also of the people around you.

The movie is, however, not that heavy in drama. There are funny moments too which really lightened the somewhat heavy atmosphere of the movie.

Of course, I should say that Emma Watson proved that she's not only good at being a witch, she could also be a dancer and definitely an actress. But what I love most in the movie, aside from Emma, is the character of Petrova.

Well, Posy is cute and all but Petrova is one character I could somehow relate into. She was forced to be on stage even though what she really wants is to be an aviator. It seemed as if she has no choice, with the family needing the money and all, yet she never let go of her dreams and in the end she found her 'road in the sky'.

Among the characters, Petrova is the most remarkable because she is selfless and thinks only of what she can do for the people around her. She was the one who tried to find a way so Pauline could buy a frock so she could audition as Alice (For the Alice in Wonderland) and the one who never stopped believing that Gum would return.

But of course, that is not the only movie I watched. I am in movie marathon mode tonight so I am searching for movies I might be able to watch online. As of the moment I am still waiting for Mega Video to finish downloading so I could finish watching the cartoon show, Alice Academy...

Whew! Thank God for the Internet!

20 years and still learning...

2009-01-09T15:22:00.000+08:00

=emote mode on=
=date: 010909. Two days before my birthday=

What have I learned for the past 20 years of my life?

1. Life is, indeed, full of surprises.

You can never tell what will happen no matter how you try to plan your life. One minute you think everything is going the way you wanted it, the next you will be surprised that its not going anywhere at all. You may be the happiest person in the world right now and then be the most miserable tomorrow. Nothing in life is predictable. Everything is uncertain.

There is no manual that will tell you how to live your life so you would be successful and happy, you can only take a step and move forward whether you like it or not and hope that things would go well for you.

2. Never say that you know somebody.

People, like the earth, undergoes changes and sometimes they simply change for the worst. You can never say that you really know somebody, not even your parents or your siblings. I guess, not even yourself. The moment you think you know the people around you, they change and become somebody else.

I agree with Karen Cushman in her book Catherine, called Birdy, when she wrote that people are like onions. We are made up of layers of personality. Each layers resembles our good and bad quality that we often doesn't realize that we have.

Humans are, simply, complex beings.

3. Life is a never ending discovery.

Everyday we discover and learn something new. The world is full of mysteries unfolding before us day after day, you just have to open your eyes wide enough to notice them.

4. The people you love are the ones that could hurt you the most.

Its different when somebody you don't care for hurts you. It doesn't matter what others say about you but its a different matter when its the people you love most. The people you love leaves a kind of pain that knocks your senses and leaves you gasping for awhile.

5. "The ones we cannot save are those people we love the most"

I forgot who said this but this is one of the things I've learned in my life. We cannot save those we love, we cannot protect them from things that could hurt them. Maybe that is why I wanted to become a soldier, so I could console myself by saving those that I can.

I think I know why we cannot save those people we care so much for. I think it is because we cared so much for them that we close our eyes and pretend that they are better when they are not. We don't want them to get hurt or be harmed that is why sometimes we force ourselves to believe that everything is fine with them even if at the back of our minds we know its not.

6. Not all questions can be answered with "gravity" or problems solved by Pythagoras.

Meaning? Not everything in this world can be solved by the power of thinking. Irrational it may be, but sometimes you have to use your heart to know the answer that the mind cannot give.

7. Nothing goes as planned.

And it does not only apply in activities. You may spend your life planning your life carefully but nothing will go as planned. There will always be hitch.

8. Never trust 100%.

Trust the people around you but not too much. Share them your life but not too much. I got hurt when I gave too much.

9. Love others, but love yourself more.

Bad? No. Don't give your love too much because you'll get hurt if you do.

10. "To thine self, be true"

Hamlet was right, you have to be true to yourself. Don't even bother pretending because not everybody will like you anyway. Somebody is bound to hate you no matter what you do. Don't even try to impress people, its a waste of time. you just have to be yourself and be thankful for those who accepted you despite your complexity.

11. Don't depend your life to the people around you.

I exist for the people around me but not because of the people around me. As I've said, and have always experienced, people come and go. If you only exist because of them, what will happen if they leave?

12. Crying can never solve a problem.

It may make you feel better but you can't do any other thing with it. You may cry but only to express yourself. Crying is not a cowardly thing to do but its not the most intelligent thing to do either. Cry if you must but remember that your tears won't solve your problems for you.

13. Bad can always go worse.

And I don't think I have to elaborate more on this.

14. The most important things are never taught in schools.

x=x/y+x can never tell you how to deal with the real world. They never teach us the formula of life. Schools never really teaches us about life.

15. We are never who we think we are.

Our perceptions of ourselves are not really accurate. We think we are this but we are never really like that. I guess the people who knows as better are those who doesn't know us because they are the ones who sees us without prejudice.

there are more but I don't think a day is enough to list everything down...

Wanted: Sister!

2009-01-09T13:35:00.001+08:00

I never had a sister and I always wonder what it feels like to have one.

I guess it would be really exciting to have somebody to giggle with, compare dresses and stuffs with, and even simply having somebody who understands how it feels to be girl.

I guess it would be fun to have somebody to talk about things that only girls could understand or discuss why your crush doesn't notice you, or have somebody to criticize your latest purchase or tell you that your taste in fashion really sucks.

Sometimes I pretend that I have a sister. Sometimes I pretend that I have somebody I whisper with at night giggling about my latest crush or wondering what to wear best in a party. Or just having somebody who would understand why you have to cry when the man you like dumps you like a trash.

Living with three other girls in a boarding house is the closest I ever got to having a sister, and its not that much. I mean, we don't quarrel like normal sister would. We were never 100% honest or blunt with each other like real sisters. We never even had an argument. We share things, stories and such but never like sisters.

I am often envious of my friends who got sisters they could talk to, share with, gossip with, and maybe even go shopping with. It would really be a major fun if I have a sister.

If I have a sister I would have somebody I could share secrets with. If I have a sister I wouldn't have to pretend that I am strong even if I am not. If I have a sister I would have somebody to share my things with and argue with.

I guess my life would be different if I had a sister. I wish I had one.

Truth

2009-01-08T13:07:00.000+08:00

In our Journalism Ethics class this morning we were asked this question, what is "truth"?
I guess the question is very much relevant because we are "future journalists", as what we often call ourselves. As journalists, we strive for the truth, we want the truth.

Truth is the guiding principle of journalism. But how much of what we are reporting is true? What is truth?

Our instructor told us to give our definition of the word TRUTH and I wrote, "Truth is an idea that is never absolute. It is subjective and depends on a person's perception of things. Something is true (for me) if I believe in it or if I have substantial facts to support it."

As I think about the subject, it dawned on me that truth never really exists. Truth is not true. Its there but its not there. There is no truth in this world. Everything is an opinion. We define things the way we see it which means that there is a possibility that our definition might be or might not be right. I mean, its something that would not exist if you don't put a name on it.

Its like colors, we know that the sky is blue because we were told that the particular color we are seeing is blue. Right? What if nobody put a name on it? What if nobody defined it as blue? Will we know that its blue? We see the chair as a chair because we conditioned our mind that what we are seeing is a chair, if we haven't seen a chair our whole life it would be nothing but a piece of wood.

When you testify in court you take an oath and say that what you are going to say is the truth and nothing but the truth. But is it? Truth depends on how we see things and perceive things. And that varies. So how are we going to tell the truth and nothing but the truth? I mean we can only say the truth the way we see it, and it might not be right at all.

Truth is the ultimate abstract. Intangible and simply undefined.

Then and Now

2009-01-07T13:57:00.000+08:00

The Evolution of ME. Pics I've unearthed deepest recess of my Friendster Albums...

In High School (with and without make-up)

First Year College

Sophomore Year (College)

Third Year

and of course, Senior Year!

Whew!...time flies so fast... But I'm sure I don't want it to go back...=)

Ifs

2009-01-07T13:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I ask myself, what I was born not as me but as somebody else?
What would my life be?
Where would I be now?
Will I still meet the friends I have now?

Maybe.
But there are a million chances that I won't, that my life would be different, that I may not be sitting here in front of this PC posting this message.

All the same, I am glad I was born this way. I couldn't imagine my life if I were somebody else.

Selective Amnesia

2009-01-06T13:58:00.000+08:00

I am presently suffering (or chose to suffer) from Selective Amnesia. According to Wikipedia, selective amnesia, or Lacunar Amnesia, is the loss of memory about one specific event. In my case, its extensive selective amnesia.

No, I haven't been in an accident. No, I did not bump my head anywhere. No, I did not do anything to get it. Thank you very much.

I simply chose to have it.

There are somethings in my life that I'd rather forget or pretend that did not happen. There are things that I chose to pretend that I did not see or hear or even knew about. Sometimes I feign ignorance to escape. Ignorantism can also be a blessing, you know.

There are events in my life that I don't want to be reminded of. There are things that are just so painful that when I start to remember, my mind blocks out and I get disoriented. So I choose to forget instead.

But these things has the habit of popping out when you least expect it. Like a jack in a box or some idiot's idea of a joke, they spring at you when you thought you are perfectly safe and everything is perfectly fine. And when it happens, my mind goes into overdrive and shuts down.

If you had been reading my previous posts through the years you will notice the pattern. When the memory starts to sink into my consciousness, my mind wanders and it reflects in my posts. When the pain engulfs my heart the rest of my conscious ebbs away.

A simple photograph, a message, a song. Anything could trigger the memory and the pain starts. There are times when I thought I already forgot and I had already moved on. Then, something would suddenly pop-out and remind me of the very thing that I don't want to be reminded of.

Then the "emote" modes in my posts starts to appear. Then the writing goes awry. Then the posts becomes monotonous and idiotic. Then despair. Then depression. Then retreat.

Amazingly, I keep on bouncing back and becomes normal again after a short while. I go about as if nothing happened and nothing in my life has ever been disrupted. My posts would be alright again, my writing clear and everything is fine. But is it?

I guess its both a blessing and a curse that I could easily bury my deepest pains in the most secluded sanctums of my brain. I could always hide it like an old photograph tucked away in some unused boxes. They exist but you could always forget about them and move on with your life as if they don't.

So don't be surprise if you will notice inconsistencies in my blog. In fact, I am already having a hard time typing my words in this post because I am already having a hard time spelling words that are as common as the word "I".

One thing is, I want people to understand that I am in pain. It is the kind of pain that I don't want to acknowledge or speak of. It is something that I'd rather write about because it is a kind of pain that becomes more unbearable when spoken. I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to be asked about it in my face. I'd rather write than talk.

Thank you, I hope you'll understand.

Things I've learned in 2008...

2009-01-06T11:39:00.000+08:00

Whew! Like so many other people in the world, I am still in the "happy new year" mode. I am still at the point in my life where I look back and sigh as I remember (and try to forget) all the things that happened in the past year.

Yes, 2008 may have come and pass as swiftly as it could but I could still count a few things that I have learned in the short time that I had been living it. If truth be told, I could not quite remember what exactly I've been doing in 2008 except that I had learned something from it. I think I'm suffering from selective amnesia or some kind of memory disorder.

Anyway, let me share to you some of the things I have learned in 2008.

First is, of course, SELF CONTROL. I admit that my temper has always been a problem. I also admit that I have a problem in anger management. I could never control myself especially when I get irritated or annoyed. I say things without thinking or do things that are so irrational and would often regret it after.

I am still a little bit like that though not that bad anymore. I think I had become a better person in 2008. For those who know me and thinks I'm still bad, then you might be right. But I think you would also agree that I am no longer that bad. I was worst in 2007.

At least now I could already control my mouth and my hands. My mind reacts faster now than before. I used to retort offensively before but now I could at least bite my tongue and save myself from feeling guilty.

I still hope, and still trying, to totally control myself. Sometimes I do lose control and hurt the people around me but I am just thankful that its not that frequent anymore. At least now I learned the value of SILENCE at the right time and at the right place.

The second thing I learned is that I am never meant to be a leader. Responsibility makes my head spin, my heartbeat to go fast, and of course, my temper to go out of control. I am a disciplinarian and I guess I will always be. In my attempt to make the people around me understand the importance of duty, discipline, dedication and respect, I become a Nazi to them.

I torture them, maybe not physically, but emotionally and maybe psychologically also. I noticed that whenever I speak or I say something, they keep quite and assumes the expression of a cornered animal. Maybe they do it unconsciously, I don't know, but it really bothers me. When there is a need to threaten the writers, the other editors asks me to do it. In a way, I had become a terrorist.

I know I could never become a good leader because I want people to follow my instructions out of respect and not of fear. I don't even want them doing it for the sake of my position or the authority that is given to me by my position.

One other thing, and probably the most important thing I've learned is that, never question God's plan in your life. You don't need to reach the end of the tunnel to see the light, there is light in the tunnel, sometimes we are just too blinded by our selfishness and distrust to see it or notice it.

I wish I could have learned more. I wish could have done more. But of course, there are still 359 days left for 2009, I still have a lot of time to learn new things.

I will not set any standard for 2009 nor would I expect anything. I had learned a long time ago that it is better to do the right thing without telling others because, oftentimes, people don't do what they say they would do.

I just hope that I will be strong enough to face and survive whatever trials I am going to face this year. And hopefully, I would still be pounding this keyboard (or any other keyboard for that matter) 365 days from now.

And with this, I am leaving behind 2008 carrying with me the few precious remnants of the things I had learned from it. Hopefully, these are enough to help me survive 2009.

Happy new year!

Woman

2009-01-04T13:09:00.000+08:00

Since the beginning of time, women has always played an important role in the shaping and changing of history. They were loved, hated, praised, and condemned. Some were enthroned and adored while others were scorned and burned at stake.

The way society views women has changed as many times as the changing of the millenia. History tells us of a great many women who had made their marks and left their prints in the horizons of the great. Through out history, a great many women has proved themselves greater and braver than their male countreparts. A lot of them has proven that women could stand on their own and fight the way men does.

Literature tells us the same. Though women has always been casted as weak, delicate, meek, timid, submissive and always has to be rescued by knights in shining armors, there are also works that depicts women in a more positive light.
Despite what history has proven to us and the many other things that proves women's strength, we are still leaving in a society which treats women as a secondary gender, weak and should be submissive to the whims of the males.

Despite efforts to change this view of women, almost nothing has changed. Yes, laws that protcets women have been passed and a lot of organizations are eagerly and zealously fighting for women's rights and protections but discrimination and inequality against women is still present in the society.

We are living in a time where we are taught [and indoctrinated] that male is the dominant, stronger, rational, and more logical gender. Books and movies tells us a story of women who are always the cause of trouble, the weakest link in the plan, the burden, the one who has to be rescued and the one who decides impulsively and are therefore prone to faults. Even fairytales are biased to men.

It is very seldom that we see women depicted as the stronger one, the leader, the brain, the strength and if they are ever shown us such then they are usually the villains. Women are quite infamous for being impulsive and tends to decide depending on their mood which tends to change as fast as the weather. A belief that is based on mere assumption by people who are, maybe, unfortunate enough to meet women who can't seem to decide for themselves. A trait that, most people refuse to acknowledge, is also present in men.

If you will look closely at history, its telling us that a lot of women has proven that they can actually decide for themselves and become great leaders.

I once had the chance to chat with an American soldier and I was surprised to hear his opinion. He said that what the Philippines need is a man and the Philippines will not progress with a woman president. I asked him why and he told me that women do not make good leaders. I was surpised. I must admit that Gloria is probably not the best woman to be made an example [though she had also proved herself a good example before she had made those blunders] but the statement was not meant for Gloria alone. That statement was made in reference to ALL women.

Not only that, anywhere you go, disrespect for women is still present. Thanks to pornography, alot of men in the society views women as sex objects; a something instead of a somebody. Women are abused left and right with and without the woman reallizing it. Lewd comments and off-color remarks have been so common that people tend to ignore it thinking that if you ignore it, it will go away. With or without malicious intentions, this kind of treatment shows how low the society looks at women.

Even in this modern times, a lot of women are still treated in a medieval attitude. A lot of modern men still treat their women the way medieval men treats thei women. Despite the liberality of this modern times, a lot of women are still oppresed and restrained. The society still has an inclination to think that women's place in the society is right at home and that their main role in life is to become a mother and a housekeeper.

For example, the police and military force of this country employs women and publicly acknowledges their rights and so on. Yet, if you will look at it closely women in police and military forces does not enjoy the same rights as the men. A lot of them are kept in the office instead of being sent out in the streets or in the field. Why is that? A lot fo explanation has been given but one thing is clear, women are kept out of it all because women are supposedly weak and can only do simple things. Women are for the homes not for war.

The sad reality is that only very few really appreciates the strength of women. Women are stronger than the society gives them credit for. They refuse to acknowledge that women is not only created to bear the pain of childbirth, to be a mother, a wife and a housekeeper. A lot of people still refuse to acknowledge that women are made as equals of men and are therefore capable of standing side by side with men. A lot men, even in these times, refuse to acknowledge that women deserves to be respected. And still, a lot of people has this fantasy that the sin committed by Eve in the garden of Eden is worth blaming to every single woman on earth. As if millions of women bit that fruit with her.

Every woman in the world, regardless of what she is, deserves the right to be respected and be given the chance to prove themselves. Every woman has the strength that could match that of men, the mind that could compete with them. A woman should not be judged from a sin she did not commit. Every woman varies, just like every man is different. Not everyone is impulsive, not everyone needs rescuing. Man and Woman was created equally. And it should stay that way.

2008 is officially over. Thank God!

2009-01-04T12:16:00.000+08:00

And I mean that literally.

The past year has been a year of struggles, trials and discovery. It was a year of tears and heartbreaks but it was also one of the best years of my life.

This has been a year of discovery. A year full of surprises, fun and arguments. A year which tested the strength of the bond we had fostered with our friends.

2008 tested our patience and determination as we struggled in the student publication. It tested our sanities as we try to do our best to keep the publication from falling apart. This is the year wherein our dearest and best writers left us; Riza, Mommy Maja, Mommy Yowh, Ate Merl, Kuya Micho, Ate Nelyn, Ate Steph.

A year where we found our strengths and weaknesses. A year of responsibility. A year of cold wars and petty arguments.

Now it is over. 2008 has come and passed. What have we learned?
2009 is finally here. What will it offer us?

For better or for worse, I know God will be with us.

"My grown up christmas list..."

2008-12-22T21:31:00.001+08:00

When I was a child, I used to hang stockings and pray that Santa would fill them up. And Santa always do, but he never seemed to get my message correctly because he always end up giving me the things I did not ask for. But I always keep the gifts I find in my stockings and always hope that Santa would find the time to listen more carefully to my prayers the next time I ask.

Well, Santa never did. So I stopped asking for gifts from him. I stopped hanging my stockings and stopped expecting for his gifts. There are no more stockings to fill, so what will I expect?

Its been years since the last time I ask Santa for a gift, and I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask again. Would Santa listen to a 19 year old? I should think not. I think everybody could be a child regardless of age. Age is just a number, childhood is in the heart.

But then, this Christmas, I wouldn't ask my gift from Santa. I think it would be much better if I ask it directly from his superior, Christ, for whom Christmas is celebrated.

This year, I'll ask Christ to bless my family. I would ask him to heal the wounds that each of us feels. I'll pray to Him so He would strengthen my family, so He could stop them from hurting each other, so He could make them love each other again.

I hope Christ will let me see my friends. Those who have left and has been gone for a long time. I hope He would give me the chance to see them again.

I pray to Christ that my family will know love and happiness again. I hope He could make them see the importance of each one and stop hating each other. I hope Christ will make them stop competing with each other and make them see that they compliment each other.

I hope Christ will give me the power to make people stop hating each other, so I could do something for the world.

And if Christ is really listening to the desires of my heart, I wish He could send these gifts right away so we could spend a truly happy Christmas this year.

And I hope he'll make Santa hear more clearly, so he'll stop sending me the wrong gifts...

What are friends for?

2008-12-22T21:08:00.000+08:00

"...there aren't any such things as good friends and bad friends--maybe there are just friends, people who stand by you when you're hurt and who help you feel not so lonely. Maybe they're always worth being scared for, and hoping for, and living for. Maybe worth dying for, too, if that's what has to be. No good friends, no bad friends. Only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart."(from the book, "IT" by Stephen King)

Do they always have to be beside us for them to be called friend? Do they need to be like us so we could be friends?

Friends are people who makes us laugh when we are about to cry, lightens our world when it suddenly goes dark, keeps our feet planted firmly on the ground when our big heads are already making us float. Sometimes they hurt us with their words, choke us with actions, irritates us with their unsolicited advices and annoys the heck out of us with their over-protectiveness but at the end of the day, they are still the people we never hesitate to hang out with.

Friends are people who accepts us with no buts and ifs. Helps us see our mistakes and helps in correcting them. They are people who will not hesitate to point our mistakes and praise our achievements. They are the first to applaud when we succeed, the first to pick us up when we fail, clean us up when we make a mess of ourselves, and sometimes, makes the mess with us.

Sometimes, they are people who will take the bullet from you.

True friends don't get angry at you when you meet and befriend new people. They don't get mad when you hang out with others. They treasure you but never claims ownership. They allow you to roam the world, meet you new people, and discover new things. They don't stop you from scraping your knees but helps you put a bad-aid on it.

They are the people who will sometimes let you fall and then catch you when you are almost on the ground. They let you do things even when they know that you'll probably get hurt in the end because they know that pain will make you stronger and will help you learn. And if after you still don't learn, they are also the first ones who will not hesitate to slap you to wake your senses.

But what are friends really for?
I don't know. Maybe they're just there to prove to us that angels do exist. And so are devils.

Vampire Wars?

2008-12-22T21:07:00.000+08:00

Oh sure, Robert Pattinson is one gorgeous guy. But I don't like him as a vampire. And he will never be as gorgeous as my Lestat.

In Twilight, Edward is a 79 years old vampire who has fallen in love with the 17 year old Isabella Swann. A modern day Romeo and Juliet with a twist. Of course, as a vampire, he is pretty poetic in his dialogues and so is Lestat. In fact, Lestat is more poetic than he is.

So who is Lestat? Well, he is the 200 year old vampire, forever trapped inside the body of his 21 year-old mortal self, in Ann Rice's Vampire Chronicle series (Interview with a Vampire, Vampire Lestat, Queen of the Damned, etc.). He is rogue and elegant, powerful, cunning, and eccentric. And he is definitely more intelligent than Edward Cullen.

Definitely more handsome too (he was portrayed by Tom Cruise in the movie "Intrerview with the vampire" and Stuart Townsend in "Queen of the Damned"). And talking about handsome, well, the vampire Louis is even more handsome than Edward. (in the photo) (left Tom Cruise as Lestat and Brad Pitt-right, as Louis)

When it comes to depth, the Vampire Chronicles is more philosophical. A battle, not between the good and the evil, but between a man and himself. A man torn between his nature as a vampire and his conscience. A man who is evil because he has to kill to live but also a man whose only dream is to become a saint.

Imagine that? A vampire who want to be a saint. Lestat maybe vain, egocentric, materialistic, fiend but he surely one charming and lovable brat-prince. Because that is what exactly he is, a brat prince of the vampires. He is too powerful that even he, could not kill himself. (Photo: Stuart Townsend as Lestat in Queen of the Damned)

Lestat is more intriguing. He speaks like a philosopher, acts like a child who has to get whatever he needs, and sometimes behaves like the fiend that he is.

Of course, in the movies, its a battle between who is the most handsome vampire. But in the world of literature? I find the Vampire Chronicles deeper and thought-provoking than the Twilight Series.

It is not a story of two lovestruck teenagers who happens to be as compatible as the spider and the fly, the vampire chronicles talks more of the complexity of the human spirit, the struggle between being evil and being good, and the complexity of the idea of heaven and hell.

The story in Twilight is a story that has been told a thousand times already. It is the story of the frog prince and the princess, the story of beauty and the beast, and so on. It is a story of two people from different worlds (and yes, different species also) who falls in love and conquers the odds. Told in different ways but ends up all the same.

But how are you going to conquer yourself? How are you going to be good when you are made to be evil? When you live in evil? When you are the literal personification of evil? How can you dream of saving the world when you have to kill to live? How can you justify heaven and God when you are seen as the minion of Satan? How can you dream to be mortal when ordinary people would kill just to be immortal?

Intriguing, funny, thought provoking, a piece of literature that is meant to conquer the years and proliferate regardless of generation. Lestat is one character who is as enigmatic as the Quantum, as mysterious as the stonehenge and will probably live through time like the legends of Hercules and the Atlantis.

He is one monster I would very much love to keep under my bed. He is one devil I would never mind meeting. A vampire I would gladly offer my blood to. He is mine, and I am his.

questions

2008-11-27T12:27:00.000+08:00

Have you ever experienced waking up in the middle of the night and suddenly doubtful of your existence?

Sometimes I do.

There are times when I wake up asking myself if I am really in this world or If everything is an imagination. Sometimes I would question the reality of what I am seeing around me. There are times when I would even ask myself if the people around me really exists or if all of them are just fragments of my imagination. And of course, what about my own existence? Am I really here or am I just an imagination?

I know its crazy. But there it is.

Is everything real or is everything abstract?

Honestly, sometimes I am not really sure.

Raindrops and Hot Chocolates

2008-11-20T21:02:00.001+08:00

The tears and the rain seem to have one thing in common; they always fall when you don’t want them to.

The rain has been pouring for almost an hour and the world around me starts to get flooded. The wind blowing in the background reminds me of a time not so long ago – a time that I would prefer not to remember.

It’s in times like this that I would find myself wishing I was at home again – a five-year old kid sitting by the stairs, listening to the wind, waiting for the rain to stop, and secured in a little haven I used to call home. As the rain continues to pour, I see myself again in that afternoon fourteen years ago, sitting by the stairs with my elder brother. I was crying, scared to death by the thunder and lightning and clinging to my brother hoping that his presence would drive away the sound. It is this exact memory that would always flash in my mind every time it storms. It is this memory that makes me wish there was no rain.

Needless to say, the memory was of long ago. It may seem a memory of comfort, a memory of a brother’s love for a sister, but it is this memory that would often bring tears into my eyes. It is the mere fact that it is nothing but a memory and could never be brought back again. The thought hurts me and makes me hate it even more.

You see, fourteen years after that stormy afternoon, everything became so different. From that comforting scene, only the rain, the thunder, and the lightning remained. Gone is the home that used to comfort me, gone is the tearful little girl crying scared because of the rain and gone is the little boy who used to give me security and promised to build me a big house with a 24-hour lock system when he grows up.

Yes, everything is just a memory now. The boy is now a man and like everything else around me, so different from the boy who once sat beside me, covered my ears and told me that everything will be alright.

Every raindrop reminds me of the games we used to play, the hours we spent with each other, and the many other things we did. I remembered we used to make paper planes and paper boats on rainy days. I remember the hot chocolate that kept us company in moments as desolate as that stormy afternoon and the hugs that were as warm as the drink. I remember the time when we were both scolded for playing along the drainage but we never really cared; as long as were together, we were happy. I used to love the rain then. With my brother, it always meant fun.

But that was before. Home has long been forgotten, the memory erased but not entirely gone, and the hot chocolate has long gone cold. What can I give just to bring back the brother that was once mine? How I wish the pouring rain could somehow transport me back to that time of long ago. And if it couldn’t, I wish God would stop sending the rain so I wouldn’t have to get hurt anymore.

Yes, he is gone. In his place is a man I could hardly call a brother; devoid of warmth and recognition. His once innocent aura has already been replaced with something that is only a notch lower than ominous. His once gentle voice has been replaced by a booming nasty one. My source of comfort has become my source of pain.

Of course, it is now unlikely that we play in the rain and it is also impossible for time to freeze just to bring me back to that day, fourteen years ago.

I know it’s not impossible though to bring back a thing from the past. If God could send in the rain, He could bring my brother back to me. I am not asking for the treasures of the world, I only want my brother back.

I could hate the rain forever and I know that I could never bring back my brother’s old self. I could only sit by the stairs again, listen to the rain with my hot chocolate in hand and hope that one of these days, my brother would sit beside me like he used to do. Only then will the tears stop falling.

The Road to success...

2008-11-20T20:32:00.000+08:00

…is under construction

The road to success is temporarily blocked and unless you go and find another way, you’ll never get pass. Success is a road that is always under construction. Delays are normal and road bumps are to be expected.

You can’t blame anybody for the delay though, or for the potholes along the way. The road has only one maintenance man, one care taker, one engineer: YOU. It’s a highway that is unique in itself. It is the only road in the world where you are not allowed to just sit and wait for other people to cover the potholes for you or put asphalts in the pavement. You have to do it your way or you suffer. There is no other way.

Success is a long road; a long winding, scary, bumpy, adventurous, challenging, and rough road full of twists and turns. You never know what lies ahead. The biggest troubles and surprises lies in this road. The views are far from scenic and are often boring that very seldom chooses this road though a lot would want to travel it.

A lot of people would try to find the shortest route towards their goal; a shortcut, the easiest way to reach the pedestal. But very few realize that the real road to success has no shortcuts. If you really want to reach the zenith you have to travel the long winding road. And this is the only surest and proven way to succeed.

Like normal roads, road blocks are also common. Sometimes these blocks are so huge that it takes time before you could get through it. Of course, sometimes detours are unavoidable. It lengthens your journey but it would surely get you there.

We all make our own roads. We are the ones who construct the highways of our lives. Every road we choose to travel paves the way to our destiny. We sometimes make a mistake and choose a path that leads us to nowhere or get lucky and choose the road less traveled. Whatever your decision is, the road you choose directs you to the kind of life you are going to live.

Crossroads, intersections, road blocks, all these are parts of the journey. Whichever of these we encounter, we all have to make the same decisions and given the same questions. Which road will you take? We decide with one thought, or perhaps without even thinking at all, it is a decision that could change our lives.

It is a very hard decision indeed. We have to choose with very limited option knowing that choosing the wrong way could make or break our dreams. On the lighter side, choosing the wrong way could also lead us to another way that is more exciting and self-fulfilling than the other way. Mistakes teach us to become better persons anyway. What matters is we learn from it and avoid it.

The road to success is long and hard but at the end of the journey is the end of the rainbow with the pot of gold, or, it could also be a pot of stone. One can never really be sure.

Life and Death

2008-11-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

So how would person feel if he is dying? I always wonder. How would it feel lying there, alone and taking what could probably be your last breathe? How would it feel seeing yourself inside a coffin (Presuming that ghosts are true.

Death is probably the most mysterious thing in the world. Nobody alive knows what lies behind its veils.The people who knows are obviously in no condition to tell us.

But why? Why do we have to die?…

Yes of course.."For the wages of sin is death…"

Sometimes i think it is so unfair that we struggle and sacrifice in this world only to die in the end. And take note, to die without anything. What legacy we may have left in this world (if there is) would be eventually forgotten by those we left.

We would only be forgotten and left rotting inside a reqtangular concrete "box". We would have nothing but the worms,roaches,grass and the ocassional flowers left by those who could remember.

MAybe that is why material things are nothing. Mere decorations of life. When you die not even the worlds most expensive jewelry could make you beautiful. Everybody would look the same, rotting corpse and grinning skeletons.

I guess it does not matter how long we had lived in this world but how much we had contributed. Not how rich we had lived but how well we would be remembered.

legacy. Only legacies. There would be nothing left but legacies.

If there's no tomorrow

2008-11-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

If your life would end today, how do you want to be remembered?
If there would be no tomorrow, how will you spend this day?
If this is the last day of your life, who would you spend it with?If you have reached the end the road, what will be the first thing you will do?
If you are given a chance to leave a final message, what will you say?
If this is would be the last time that you will be posting a blog, what will be the title of your post?
If this is your last hour on earth, what will you do?

So many questions...
waiting for your answers.

Perfectly Imperfect

2008-11-17T22:35:00.000+08:00

"Nobody's perfect".

We hear it commonly enough. We have always perceive this world as imperfect no matter how many times we try to convince ourselves that its otherwise. There will always be flaws and nothing is ever enough.

But I don't honestly agree that there is no such thing as perfect in this world. I think perfection is simply a state of mind. We think nothing is perfect because we, unconsciously, look for the faults in everything happening to us instead of accepting everything as a part of our lives.

Imperfection makes our lives perfect. It is these tiny flaws that confirms our existence as mere biological beings who will always be susceptible to commit mistakes. It is these mistakes, big and small, that help us learn. It is our learning that molds us to be the person that we are meant to be. It is what we are that makes the world perfect.

I don't believe that we are ever imperfect for we are created by no other than The Most High and not by some bored geneticist. We are not born out of a catastrophe like what the Big Bang theory suggests. We were created by God with love.

Perfection is a state of mind. That is why it differs from one person to another. Things does not necessarily have to be expensive or gigantic to be perfect. A simple thing could be perfect.

The balance created by good and bad makes the world perfect. The pains and joys we encounter makes the world perfect. All these makes the world perfect because it confirms our being. The existence of good and evil is a sure proof that we are still alive and earthbound.

because the perception of perfection differs from one person to another, nobody could really say that our world is perfect. We see flaws, we see errors, we see mistakes but that also makes the world perfect.

Failures and success. Pains and laughter. trials and triumphs. All these makes our world perfect, for what is life without it?

Bathroom thoughts: random and unplotted

2008-11-15T02:42:00.000+08:00

What makes the world evil? have you ever wondered? What makes us hurt the people we love? And why do we push them away if they are important to us? There are a lot of unfathomable things in this world.

Little by little we step into the unknowns. Everyday is a void, a dark space that hides the things that we have to and want to see.

Isn't it a wonder why those we cared for the most are often the first ones taken from us? Why do we always have to be left behind with the people that we don't like? Maybe because God knows that we can never learn to like or love those we don't want while those we adore are still with us. Maybe God knows that we can only appreciate the people around us when they are the only ones we have left.

Every human being is intrinsically evil as they are intrinsically good. We all have our evils sides. No matter how pious or angelic we may be, we all have the tendency to do evil. On the same manner, we also have the tendency to do good no matter how bad we may be.

God gave us eyes to see the beauty of the world but why do we often see evil than good. Why do we see the ugly things more often than those that are pleasant. Is it because we are born with a blindspot for everything that is good? Or is it because we can simply appreciate more those that are wrong than those things that are right?

Are we evil? Are humans really that bad? We know what is good and right yet we do what is wrong. We despise others if they do the things we know as bad but we do those things ourselves.

I guess it is true that man's greatest enemy is himself. I guess, scientists had it wrong when they concluded that we are the most intelligent of all the species. Aside from being both good and evil, man is intrinsically stupid. He knows what is right but he keeps on doing what is wrong. We are stupid enough to create things we know would only harm us in the end. We are stupid enough to submit to our whims even if we know what will happen after. We are stupid no matter how much we try to educate our selves. We know the secrets of the depths, created machines that made our lives easier, machines that made the world better yet uglier and deadlier at the same time; we know a lot of things yet we are stupid.

We are all hypocrites pretending, and insisting to the point of death, that what we are doing is the most righteous way to do when we know deep inside that we are wrong all along.

The world is full of mysteries and questions. Nobody can answer and we can only keep on questioning without getting anything. The more we try to understand the world the more the more unfathomable it becomes. We uncover one mystery then we are plagued by ten more mysteries.

Questions. Life is full of questions but it offers very few answers.

[note: copied from my other blo g.]

Finding Myself

2008-11-15T00:14:00.000+08:00

If you look in the mirror what do you see?
Once, I tried gazing at myself in front of the mirror. I looked as intently as I could trying to find something that could make me different from the rest.

I looked and looked but I found nothing. Everything in me is ordinary. I am so ordinary. Left in a crowd, I will never stand out. I am not bitter though. Being invisible suites me just fine. I prefer not to be seen by the people around me. I prefer to blend in the crowd.

I looked beyond the reflection I see in the mirror and I did not like what I saw. On the outside I am nothing and on the inside, I am something. Something dreadful.

The mirror could not show beauty, it could show me what I really am. I am a creature devoid of creativity. I lack a sense of fun. I am stubborn and aloof. I am as uninteresting as the leaves falling from the trees. People will not look twice when they see me.

I tried to change. I tried to be different. I tried to be light and creative. But the old me refuses to go under. I tried so hard but it only made me unhappy. I lost myself as I try to find my place in this world. In my attempt to fit in, I lost the real me. I was never the same again.

I was bad and I tried to be good. I got what I wanted when I wished to be different. I was different but I was never happy. I was bad at being bad and I was worst at being good. I only wanted to correct the mistakes but never felt right.

I lost myself and so I tried to find it. I searched and searched and I almost failed. If only I could merge the old and the new me. If only it's not so hard to be good.

if only...

In search of "Gargantiel"

2008-09-02T15:59:00.000+08:00

For years now I had been looking for the meaning of my family name. I never found it instead, I found our family website and discovered that somewhere in the land of Spain is a place named "gargantiel".

I also found out that there are a lot of "us" scattered all over the globe and some of them are as curious as I am.

The meaning of the world really bothers me because I know that Spanish surnames have meanings and some of them could be really nasty.

Ako si Arianne--balang araw, yayaman ako!

2008-09-02T15:55:00.001+08:00

Gaya ng iba, may mga pangarap din ako. Marami, malaki, matayog at medyo imposible. Minsan, pinagtatawanan ako ng iba dahil sa mga pangarap ko--malayo daw sa katotohanan, kabaliwan, walang patutunguhan.

Kung maniniwala lang ako sa "sabi nila..." malamang wala talaga akong patutunguhan kasi kung pakikinggan ko ang mga tao sa paligid ko, ni isa man sa kanila walang nag-encourage sa akin na abutin ang mga pangarap ko. Madalas tinatanong nila ako kung okay lang daw ba ako, kung hindi daw ba ako high at kung anu-ano pa sa tuwing sinusibukan kung i-share sa iba ang mga pangarap ko.

Oo, siyempre pangarap kong maging mayaman. Napaka-ipokrita ko naman kung sasabihin kong hindi di ba? Gusto kong magkaroon ng maraming pera para mabili ang lahat ng pangangailangan ng pamilya ko, at siyempre yung sa akin din. Hindi naman pwede na habang buhay na lang akong bubuhayin ng mga magulang ko eh...masyado namang nakakahiya yun.
Pangarap ko din dati ang maging sundalo. Ambisiyosa kasi talaga ako. Mahilig akong mag-ambisyon ng mga bagay na alam ko naman na hindi talaga pwede. Pero siyempre, hindi ibig sabihin na hindi ako pwedeng maging sundalo e, pababayaan ko na lang ang pangarap ko di ba?

Oo nga rin pala, pangarap ko rin na maging Director ng National Bureau of Investigation. Isa kasi akong amateur na wala naman talagang kaalam-alam kung ano talaga ang ginagawa sa NBI. Yung tanging alam ko lang ay kung ano ang nakikita ko sa TV, yung mga investigations and kung anu-ano pang Hardy boys inspired na mga ideya.

Gusto ko rin sanang maging forensic pathologist. Kung tama yung pagkaka-intindi ko, sila yung mga nagpeperform ng mga autopsies di ba? Ay, hindi yata...basta sila yung sa CSI...hehehe.Gusto ko yun, cute na trabaho di ba?

Ano kaya kung maging isa akong publicist sa isang internasyonal na kompanya? Sosyal di ba? Siyempre yung pangarap ko na maging isang rocket scientist ay talagang imposible kasi hindi naman ako matalino sa mga bagay na may kinalaman sa numero. Bobo ako dun eh, kaya nag Mass Comm ako.

Pangarap ko din magtrabaho sa mga organisasyon gaya ng World WildLife Fund o kahit sa DENR na lang, basta may kinalaman sa kalikasan. Gusto ko kasing protektahan ang kalikasan at ang mga nilalang na gaya nina Chichi [yung Giant Panda na logo ng WWF].

Siyempre gusto ko din namang maging isang manunulat. Kahit hindi na sa isang kilalang newspaper basta magawa ko ang trabaho ko bilang isang journalist.

Oo, dati pingarap ko din maging assasin. Mahal yata ang bayad sa mga yun di ba? Tsaka feeling ko para akong si Xena, yung warrior princess o si Lara Croft ng Tomb Raider; maganda, sexy, astig. Kaya lang, si Aian lang ako eh--wala akong boobs, cleaveage o kahit lips na lang na gaya ng kay Angelina jolie. Booblet lang ang meron ako, at madalas pa itong laitin ng mga taong hindi man lang iniisip na hindi malaki ang dibdib ko dahil hindi din naman ako kalakihang tao. Siyempre, hindi din naman ako marunong ng martial arts o kahit humawak man lang ng baril. Ball pen lang ang alam kong hawakan, pasensya na po.

Tapos, minsan sa buhay ko ginusto ko rin ang maging isang rebelde. Wala lang, akala ko kasi astig eh. Tapos isa pa, pag naging rebelde na ako at magiging isa sa mga tinaguriang Philippines Most Wanted e matutupad na ang pangarap ko na habulin ako ng mga crush ko na ngayon ay mga pulis at sundalo na. O di ba?

Gusto ko din maging social worker at magpunta sa mga remote areas sa Pilipinas na kailangan ng tulong ko. Napansin ko nga, masyado na akong maka-masa sa mga pangarap ko; masyadong public service ang tema ng buhay ko. Bakit kaya hindi ko pinagarap maging Presidente?

At dahil nga mahilig ako sa public service at mga humanitarian causes, pinaka-pangarap ko talaga ang magtrabaho sa United Nations. Kaya nga gusto kong magkaroon ng matataas na grado at mag-aral ulit ng ibang kurso pagka-graduate ko, yung kurso na a-akma sa papasukan kong trabaho. Kahit ito na lang sa lahat ng mga pangarap ko ang matupad, magiging masaya na ako.

Hindi pa dito nagtatapos ang litanya ng aking mga pangarap. Nandito na rin lang naman ito, lulubus-lubusin ko na. Sorry na ha?

Pangarap ko kasi pagyumaman na ako ibibili ko ng eroplano yung Philippine Air Force. Yung bagong-bago na eroplano. Yung hindi pang museum. At dahil hindi pa ako mayaman ngayon, drawing na lang muna. Ay! oo, di nga rin pala ako marunong mag-drawing. Sige, picture na muna mga Brod!

Ayan! Pasensiya na po...kinuha ko lang yan sa internet.

Siyempre, gusto ko rin magpagawa ng housing project para sa mga walang bahay, tapos paaralan, tapos ospital at marami pang iba...dapat talaga pinangarap ko na lang maging presidente.Di ba?

Siyempre, pag mayaman na ako, bago ko bilhin ang eroplano ng airforce at ipagawa ng mga bahay, ospital at paaralan na yan [pati na rin yung "marami pang iba"] bibilhin ko muna ang National Bookstore, Powerbooks at Goodwill. Magpapagawa ako ng aklatan na malaking-malaki [dapat exaggerated kasi libre naman ang pangarap].

Tapos, bibili ako siyempre ng maraming-maraming chocolates! Yung lahat ng klase ng tsokolate sa mundo para masaya!

Ito ang mga pangarap ko-- matayog, malaki at medyo imposible. Pero kaya ko to kasi, ako si Arianne at balang araw yayaman ako!

Unlinked

2008-09-02T15:08:00.000+08:00

A teardrop,
A sigh of regret,
A simple goodbye

The delicate chain has been broken,
Now I have to let you go.
I am burying your memory,
With the past that we shared
I dug so deep so it wouldn’t be unearthed
And break my heart again.

When love is lost,
It can always be recovered.
But when friendship is gone,
It is gone forever.

The special bond that we used to share
Has long been forgotten,
Gone were the days when we used to care for each other

Our past is now a history,
frozen in tiny photographs.
No more sounds of laughter,
No more traces of tears.

All that remained of our friendship is a tiny canvass,
A bitter reminder of what used to be.
Our smiling faces plastered in tiny snapshots,
Our laughters, echoes of yesterday

Yesterday seemed so long ago,
The shattering of the chains seemed distant and dreamlike,
Only the resounding pain makes it real.

My heart shattered in every single blow,
My teardrops fell as our special bond slowly let go,
I couldn’t stop you if you wanted so much to go,
I only wished that you had been gentle
When you finally closed that door

Now, I could only bade you goodbye
As my broken spirit slowly heals.

Ang Paka sa Sapa

2008-09-02T15:04:00.000+08:00

Isa ka adlaw,
May isa ka paka nga naligo sa suba,
Nagsalom-salom nga daw isa ka isda,
Kay kuno may gina-pangita.

Ang amo nga paka
Ambisyosa kag ilusyonada.
Una, siling niya isa siya ka sirena
May matam-is nga tingog
Kag lawas nga makawiwili.

Nagkadto siya sa sapa
Nagsalom kag nagsalom
Halin sa aga asta nag gabi-e
Tungod sa iya nga pagpati.

Sang siya nakapoy na,
Nagbutwa kag nag takas siya.
Kag nagsiling,
“indi gid man ko sirena…”

Nagpungko siya sa dako nga bato
Kag naglantaw sa naga agas nga tubig,
Sang gulpi lang may nadumduman siya
“Insakto! Indi ako sirena,
Kay ako isa ka prinsesa!”

Gilantaw niya ang iya hulagway sa tubig,
Nagyuhom-yuhom siya,
Gidayaw ang iya kaugalingon
Sa pagpati nga siya isa ka princesa,
Kag sa tanan nga paka
Siya ang pinaka-gwapa.

Sa mga inadlaw nga nag-agi
Ang gamay nga paka
Padayon sa pagpati
Nga siya princesa
Nga gisumpa nga mangin paka sa gamay nga sapa

Sa iya nga paglibot-libot
Sa gamay nga sapa
Wala siya nakontento sa iya nga mga nakita
“Kalaw-ay dire,
Indi bagay para sa isa ka princesa
Nga gibugayan sang ka-gwapa
Sang langit kag duta”

Siya nagpanglugayawan
Kag nakakita sang mga lugar nga wala pa niya makadtuan,
Mga butang nga wala pa makit-an,
Kag mga buluhaton nga wala pa ma-testingan.

Sa kalayo sang iya naabtan,
Siya wala nanamian,
Ga-isahanon siya nga gapanglakaton
Sa lugar nga wala siya sang abyan o nahibal-an

Iya nadumduman ang iya gamay nga sapa,
Ang matinlo nga tubig
Nga iya ginapaliguan kag ginahampangan,
Malapad nga mga dahon
nga iya gina-pasilungan
sa kada mag-ulan.

Sa iya nga pagpadayon
Siya nakakita
Sang gamay nga sapa
Nagpundo siya kag naglantaw
Sa iya hulagway sa tubig nga matin-aw

Ang iya nga luha nagtulo
Kag siya nagsiling
“Sa akon nga pagpanglakaton
Akon na nahibal-an
indi ako sirena,
O isa ka maanyag nga princesa.
Ako isa lamang ka gamay nga paka
Nga indi makuntento
Sa akon gamay nga sapa.
Sa akon pagka ambisyosa,
Akon naaguman,
Mga bagay nga wala nahunahuna-an,
Nakadtu-an, mga lugar nga ginadamgo ko lang
Madamo ako sang nakita
Apang wala ang akon matuod nga ginapangita
Ako wala naghunahuna
Sa kanami sang akon gamay nga sapa
Nga tungod sa akon mga handom
Akon gitalikdan kag karon pagabalikon”

Kag sato dayon nga adlaw,
Ang gamay nga paka
Nagbalik sa iya gamay nga sapa
Kung sa diin siya malipayon
Bisan siya wala sang bilidhon.

*pampagulo lang...August 30, 2008.