what my heart truly says...

(this post is dedicated to all my classmates)
You've known me as a person who says what I think and what I feel but very few of you knows that I could never bring myself to say the things that really matters. I am not very verbal when it comes to my feelings to the people around me. I could lash out in anger and say things that could hurt people but I could never bring myself to tell any of you what's really inside my heart.

I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for all the things I did that could have hurt you or offend you. I'm sorry if I never told you or made you feel how important you are to me. I'm sorry because I am a person who could never really express my feelings for others.

And now the end is here. You are now leaving, and some have already left yet I still couldn't find the energy to tell you how important you are all to me. I still couldn't bring myself to tell you how much you all mean to me and how much your presence made a mark in my life. I could only smile at you and tell you to take care even if what I wanted to do is hug you really tight and tell you how much I love you and how much I would miss you.

But I did not because I could never really do that. I could hug you but I could not tell you those words. I could tell you to take care but I could never tell you how much it hurts to see you all in academic regalia beaming with pride. I could never tell you how much it hurts to know that we will no longer be together in coming school year. I could never tell you how much it hurts to know that we will never share another moment together.

I went to you graduation to congratulate all of you and wish you luck, also to say goodbye to Hannah. I was so happy to see you all even though a part of me tells me to just go home because you will be too busy to notice me anyway. Good thing I did not because I might not have another chance to hug Hannah again.

I will stand by what I said that I will not shed a tear of you because I know that all of you are in better hands now. I have long accepted the fact that nothing in this world will ever stay and everything will be gone and everybody will have to leave. I have long accepted the fact that we could not really stay with each other forever, that there is really no such thing as forever. We have to leave each other, we have to separate ways.

But this does not mean that I will forget any of you or the memories we shared. I could never bring my self to do so even if I wanted to. I will always treasure the moments I spent with all of you. I will always remember the good times we spent with each other. Even the bad times.

I pray you all the best. I pray that all of you will succeed. I pray that all of you will always be safe. I pray that all of you will find your way.