Things I've learned in 2008...

Whew! Like so many other people in the world, I am still in the "happy new year" mode. I am still at the point in my life where I look back and sigh as I remember (and try to forget) all the things that happened in the past year.

Yes, 2008 may have come and pass as swiftly as it could but I could still count a few things that I have learned in the short time that I had been living it. If truth be told, I could not quite remember what exactly I've been doing in 2008 except that I had learned something from it. I think I'm suffering from selective amnesia or some kind of memory disorder.

Anyway, let me share to you some of the things I have learned in 2008.

First is, of course, SELF CONTROL. I admit that my temper has always been a problem. I also admit that I have a problem in anger management. I could never control myself especially when I get irritated or annoyed. I say things without thinking or do things that are so irrational and would often regret it after.

I am still a little bit like that though not that bad anymore. I think I had become a better person in 2008. For those who know me and thinks I'm still bad, then you might be right. But I think you would also agree that I am no longer that bad. I was worst in 2007.

At least now I could already control my mouth and my hands. My mind reacts faster now than before. I used to retort offensively before but now I could at least bite my tongue and save myself from feeling guilty.

I still hope, and still trying, to totally control myself. Sometimes I do lose control and hurt the people around me but I am just thankful that its not that frequent anymore. At least now I learned the value of SILENCE at the right time and at the right place.

The second thing I learned is that I am never meant to be a leader. Responsibility makes my head spin, my heartbeat to go fast, and of course, my temper to go out of control. I am a disciplinarian and I guess I will always be. In my attempt to make the people around me understand the importance of duty, discipline, dedication and respect, I become a Nazi to them.

I torture them, maybe not physically, but emotionally and maybe psychologically also. I noticed that whenever I speak or I say something, they keep quite and assumes the expression of a cornered animal. Maybe they do it unconsciously, I don't know, but it really bothers me. When there is a need to threaten the writers, the other editors asks me to do it. In a way, I had become a terrorist.

I know I could never become a good leader because I want people to follow my instructions out of respect and not of fear. I don't even want them doing it for the sake of my position or the authority that is given to me by my position.

One other thing, and probably the most important thing I've learned is that, never question God's plan in your life. You don't need to reach the end of the tunnel to see the light, there is light in the tunnel, sometimes we are just too blinded by our selfishness and distrust to see it or notice it.

I wish I could have learned more. I wish could have done more. But of course, there are still 359 days left for 2009, I still have a lot of time to learn new things.

I will not set any standard for 2009 nor would I expect anything. I had learned a long time ago that it is better to do the right thing without telling others because, oftentimes, people don't do what they say they would do.

I just hope that I will be strong enough to face and survive whatever trials I am going to face this year. And hopefully, I would still be pounding this keyboard (or any other keyboard for that matter) 365 days from now.

And with this, I am leaving behind 2008 carrying with me the few precious remnants of the things I had learned from it. Hopefully, these are enough to help me survive 2009.

Happy new year!