i deserve to be happy.

I deserve to be happy and I intend to be. I am battling my way through life trying to overcome the obstacles blocking my way and I try to do it with a smile. I try. I try so hard to smile my way through life. Most of the time, I fail but sometimes I could find reasons to smile even at the darkest points of my life.

Everybody deserves to be happy. I also deserve to be.

battling the storm

I could probably say that I am too weak already; too weak to battle the storms in my life. But do I have the right to give up? Some would probably say yes. But I refuse to give myself the right to give up. I am not giving myself any other choice but to go on and move forward.

This is just a simple storm. Someday, the sun will shine again.

serenity

I wish I could have stayed at Lake Balinsasayao last weekend. The place is so silent that it gives me a peace of mind and almost made me forget of all the worries that I had to face at school.

I love the place though its far.
I love the place though I couldn't get a network signal.
I love the place though I had to walk so far afterwards.
I love the place though my muscles are still sore from all the walking.
I love the place though it doesn't have internet connection.
I love the place though its far from civilization.
I love the place though I am mortally scared of the lake.
I love the place and I wish I could drown my worries there.

Someday, I will go back there.
Someday.

sharing what I learned.

I've had a lot of low moments in my life but those were never been this low. I guess I could say that I am now in the darkest part (so far) of my life. I did a lot of things that I shouldn't have done and did not do a lo of things that I should have done.

Somehow, I can say that I ruined my life and i am trying so hard to fix it. How ironic that I somebody who does not believe in second chances is now hoping to get a glimpse of a second chance.

One thing I learned though, and I wish to share to whoever is reading this blog, is that, we cannot blame life if it becomes complicated because sometimes it is our own actions that complicates life.

We reap what we sow. And that is all there is to it.

seiromem

memories.

tingling laughter. voices from the past

blurry faces. ghosts from yesterday

memories.

faded photographs. wilted flowers.

crumbling papers. messages of love.

promises. made. broken.

memories.

nothing but memories.

No to RED

Insurgency is a sore thumb that hinders the nation's progress. It is a disease that feeds on the strength of the country; a dead weight that slowly pulls and buries the nation in a quicksand. It destroys all potentials, ruin economies and dims hope. Its continued existence is a bane to a country striving to develop.

A revolutionary government is not the answer to corruption and poverty. Bullets and bombs do not offer solutions that would solve the problems of this country. And no true Filipino could survive in a communist government. Filipinos, afterall, values their freedom as much as they value their blood.

Forty years is a long fight. Lives have been wasted, billions have been spent, blood was spilled in an attempt to heal the disease. It needs the collective effort of every single Filipino who trully loves their country to stop the disease from spreading and eventually killing the whole nation.

The war against insurgency is not just the government's war; it is every Filipinos war. The so-called principles of the Communist movement are nothing but lies. Corruption inside the movement is even worst than that in the government. The promises given by the rebels to lowly folks are nothing but propagandas aimed to ruin the image of the government and win the hearts of the people.

They promise a better life for those who support them but only their higher-ups enjoy the profits of their extortion activities. The poor remains poor.

They claim that members of the armed forces are harassing the people but it is them who really do. They are the ones who do not mind if the ordinary folks has nothing more to eat as long as they could get something from them. They are the ones who would get the very last centavo of the lowly hinterland folks in the name of revolution. They are the ones who would get the very last chicken of the poor farmer who has nothing more to give. Them who burns properties, threatens and hurt people if they don't pay the revolutionary tax. It is them that causes this country to suffer.

They see every "atrocity" of the government but they are blind to their own atrocities. They see corruption in the government but they don't speak of corruption in their own ranks.

There can be no real progress while they continue to exist. And unless every Filipino realize that they have a part to play in the war against these vermin, properties will continue to be burned and lives will continue to be wasted.

We don't need to take up arms to fight. In our own ways we can help in the fight against insurgency. Let us help in healing the sore thumb because insurgency is our fight too.

there is such a thing as perfect.

When you start looking at things differently, then you'll also start realizing that the world could be perfect despite its imperfections.

The moment you start seeing the light in every problem and the beauty created by pressure, you'll learn to appreciate the perfectness of this world.

The time you stop looking at your flaws as if it could kill you, its also the time that you'll realize that you are perfect.

Because life is perfect. There is such a thing as perfect.
Our tiny flaws makes us perfect. The tinny tiny bits of imperfection makes us a perfect example of the human race.

There is such a thing as a perfect human being. They are people who makes mistakes but learns from it; knows their flaws and accepts it. The perfect human beings are not those who never commits mistakes, never fails, never stumbles, never falls. They are those who stumbles but stands up and starts again.

It is not the lack of flaws that makes us perfect. It is our imperfection that makes us perfect.

the heart says it all.

You can lie to others but you can never lie to yourself.
You can hide from others but you can never hide from yourself.
The mouth may say something but the heart keeps everything.

just stay there

its nice to know you're there
a shoulder to lean on when I become weary
the hands that lifts me up when I fall down
the arms that carries me when I get tired

its nice to know you're there
a silent shadow behind me
an invisible shield, an invisible strength
unseen but still there

its nice to know you're there
the sunshine in the rain
the light in the dark
the wisdom in the days of folly
the humor in the days of pain

I'm glad to know you'll be there
when all else is gone, when all else has failed
just stay there, don't leave me
you carry my heart, my life in your hands

It's nice to know you're there,
my brother, my friend.

yeah, were different

What makes us different from animals is not our so-called intelligence.
It is our ability to choose, to reason, to decide. Our ability to know the difference between right and wrong.

When you corner an animal, a snake for example, it will strike because it is its nature to do so. Animals strike even when you don't provoke them because it is their instinct to bite or maim. When a person is provoke, you can't expect him to bite or maul the person provoking him. Maybe the person would punch, kick or scratch or maybe he would prefer to walk away and do nothing. Though fighting back is an instinct, it is still a matter of choice.

But what about those people who kills without provocation? What about those who never feel remorse when they kill? Are they human or are they animals?

uncertainties

I do not know what the future holds for me
but it would be good to know that the people I cared for
would be facing that future beside me.
I guess, no matter how the bleak the future would be, it would be tolerable if you know that you have friends and loved ones beside you to boost you up when you're already too weak to move up.

born to die

Death
-man's ultimate destiny.

just a thought

The day you cease to love
is the day you cease to be human.

and I pray,

Lord, if You're ever going to take anything from this world,
Please, let it be asthma.

there's still chance

it won't take a million years
it won't take a billion attempt
it only needs one shot of courage
one shot to take the risk
just one shot.
Only then shall normality begin.

breather

a few minutes of rest.
eyes close. deep breathes.
relaxation.

ahh... just so tired.

In the end...

All I can say is that, THANK YOU for being a part of my life.

=True Friendship knows no distance. It knows no miles, no oceans. So just smile and don't worry, for even if you are not beside us you will always be in our hearts. And when the harsh world threatens you and your tears are about to fall just remember that somewhere across the ocean there are people who will never stop loving you even when the rest of the world turns their back on you. Were just here, waiting for you to come back.=

Linantuyan: A land reborn

In the mountains of Guihulgan there lived people whose goal in life is just like the rest of us, to live in peace. What makes their situation different from us is that, there in the mountains, they have to deal with not only the complexities of living but also with the conflict between the government forces and the Maoist rebels.

The barangay of Linantuyan is located 42 kilometers from the town proper of Guihulngan and is considered as the most remote barangay of the town. So remote is the place that transportation is almost non-existent.

A two hour, P300 per head “habal-habal” ride will bring you to Linantuyan, a barangay that because of its great distance local officials will have to ride a helicopter to reach the place. Because of its distance also, the residents of Linantuyan sometimes has to walk to the nearby Barangay Sikatuna to purchase goods or chance upon a habal-habal which will bring them to the town proper.

Linantuyan is a place whose reputation has been marred by the presence of insurgents and has created an image of danger in the minds of outsiders. So negative is the image of the place that majority of the class backed-out when we were told that we have to make a documentary of the place. Out of the ten members of the class, only four were able to make it to Linantuyan to discover how the place really is and document the story of a place that struggled to free themselves from the clutches of the communist rebels.

This documentary is a part of the final requirements of senior Mass Communication students in their TV Production and Management class.

Armed only with video cameras, a meager food supply and feelings of anxiety and excitement, the four students went to the mountains of Guihulngan to document the story of Linantuyan and her people.

So many things have been said about Linantuyan, the residents, the soldiers assigned in the area and the situation of the place. Some of it were true while some are nothing but speculations made by people who have never seen the place and have only heard exaggerated stories of the place.

Contrary to the belief of a lot of people, Linantuyan is a peaceful place—or so it is now. The people are hospitable and warm, though a little bit cautious when dealing with newcomers. They were cooperative enough to share to us their stories and their hopes for the future of their place.

Among the many people we met there, we were able to interview former NPA supporters like Nanay Magda, Tatay Pio, and Tatay Genaro. All three were simple village folks who, despite their financial difficulties, were forced to support the NPA in fear that something might happen to them if they don’t.

Tatay Pio, for example, was a revolutionary tax collector of the NPA who was contented with his piece of land but was enticed by the group to join them. According to him, the NPA told him that if he really owns his land then he wouldn’t have to pay taxes for it. He said that sometimes he is embarrassed to ask from his neighbors because he knows all of them are having a difficult time but he because the group ask him to, he has to do it.

Like most villagers, Tatay Pio is also afraid that the soldiers of the 11th IB might leave the place. Well, he has a reason to be. Tatay Pio is one among the six villagers who first came out and testified against the rebel group. According to Tatay Pio, the rebels once told him that “makapatawad sila’g kawatan, nungka ang tabi-an”. (They could forgive a thief but not a gossip).

Though the place still bear the marks left behind by the insurgents, it is slowly recovering with the help of the local government and the army. The village was given a water system which makes the villagers’ life easier; an additional classroom was constructed for the use of the children in their village Elementary school and the local government is already planning to construct a farm to market road which will help the village greatly.

They say that you can only appreciate something if you have already experienced it. Making the TV Documentary allowed us to experience how it feels to produce your own film, research your own materials, and as well as hone our abilities in announcing, scriptwriting and video recording.

The activity taught us to deal with an entirely different set of people that we are used to mingle with. It taught us to be resourceful as we have to make use of a meager budget, limited crew and uncertain accommodations. The experience we had in Linantuyan made us realize that we can actually do something even if we lack a lot of things; that we only need determination and motivation to do it.

We went to Linantuyan to find the truth about the status of the place. Until now, I am not sure if we really did find the truth but I am fairly certain that the villagers shared their stories in their own free will and that they were not coerced in anyway to talk to us. We asked them so many things about the place, the years with the rebels, and even the alleged harassments made by the soldiers and all these they answered willingly.

Fear remains in the hearts of the people of Linantuyan. I guess they can never really be assured of their safety especially that they know that the people who are securing their place now could easily be assigned anywhere in the future. However, I am optimistic that the village and its people will fully recover from the long years they had spent in the hands of the rebels and the negative image of Linantuyan will finally be cleared.

I guess I am one with the people of Linantuyan in their belief that someday, they will finally find peace. And for the sake of the Linantuyanons, I hope it comes soon.

insensitive

just when I thought I've finally forgotten
just when I am finally living my life without you
just when I thought I am finally free of you
you came from out of nowhere and break my heart again.

Silly you. Silly me.
want to break my heart again? Sure.
I'll break your neck.Stupid.
Go away. Leave me alone.

what do you get when you watch porn movies?

And what do you get from making sex videos? I mean, really?...

Call me self-righteous or what but I do think making (as well as spreading) sex videos (either private or commercial) is perversity. And by watching those videos, you don't get anything by watching those people having sex. Only the porn industry earns from it. And to think that they are earning millions while the people in the videos were never compensated for their ruined reputations.

Of course, people from the pornography business does not also pay taxes so even the government can't get anything from them. And to think that some of the "actors" in the videos are minors and some are people who has no inkling that their act is being recorded. Poor people.

Shouldn't sex remain a private activity? Does the whole world need to participate while you're doing the act? If that is so, then why didn't you just do it in the middle of a really crowded place? Of course, that would be blatant exhibitionism right? But if you don't mind the rest of the world watching your video, why would you mind them seeing in you in the act?

I don't think there is anything good in pornography. It's sick really. A really really sick business.
Maybe I am a manang, but at least I don't bare myself in public and spill tears of regrets later.

whatever happened to Filipino action movies?

I'm certainly not that old but I could still clearly remember the days of Lito Lapid, Jestoni Alarcon, Ace Espinosa, Bong Revilla and so on.

Not that I like any of their movies. Its just that, I wonder what happened to action movies as the Philippine cinema is clearly dominated now by mushy love stories (title pa lang alam mo na ang ending) and horror stories. Even comedies are getting rare.

Is there no more market for tagalog action films? What ever happened to all those "action stars" who used to rule the silver screen?

Well, if they ever make action movies again, I just hope they would finally be creative with their titles. And please, the plot has been so generic.

some things

Some things are better kept secret.
Some things are better left alone.
Some things are better off unsaid.
Especially if that some thing does not conform with what the rest believes to be normal and proper.

secrets can sometimes be a burden but they can also be sweet. You know, just a special something between yourself and you.

Some. Things. Are. Just. So. Amazing.
such a pity they can't be shared.

pinch me here

Pain can sometimes be good.
It reminds us of what we are,
---human and vulnerable.

just something

shhhh...
Something happened.
Something changed.
Sweet secret.
Tell no one.

unknown

i looked around me and tried to see
i strained to listen but couldn't hear anything
i wanted to open my mouth and speak
no words came out

beating so fast, my heart is about to break
i was surrounded by fear
mocked by the shadows around me

i closed my eyes
i surrendered to what i do not know
hoping that everything is a dream

my heart beats faster
until i couldn't feel it anymore

Kiss me goodbye

Eyes stinging.

Heart breaking.

Tears flowing.

It’s time to depart.

One kiss.

A legacy.

A remembrance of what used to be.

To love is fulfillment.

To be loved is a dream.

Never again.

Apathy

Apathy

My name is Apathy;
I have eyes, but I don’t see,
I have ears, but they don’t hear,
I have lips, but I don’t speak.

My name is Apathy;
Indifference is my brother,
Insensitive is my sister,
Concern is my enemy,
And so is Sympathy,
Empathy and the rest of their family

My name is Apathy;
When I see pain and suffering, I look away
When I hear cries and moans, I cover my ears
I do not want to look,
I do not want to take part,
I live in my own world.
I live for myself,
I serve for my happiness

My eyes are covered with roses
My ears only hears the sound of music
My lips were made to be zipped

Is the world suffering?
I didn’t know.
What of death, war, and poverty?
I have no idea.

The cries of a million hungry souls,
I do not hear.
The tears of a million broken hearts,
I do not see.

I do not see.
I do not hear.
I do not feel.

I am Apathy,
And you are my friend.

Sometimes, I wish fairy godmothers are real

Someday I'm going to get all these...

*DSLR Camera. Love taking pictures. Love photography though I don't think I've got the talent for it.
*Laptop. I want to have one but I don't think I'll be having one soon. Muntik na sana ako magkaganito, sayang...
* A really beautiful house by the beach
* Rest house in the mountains
* Private resort
* Private plane
* Bodyguard
* Personal Masseur. Kasi laging masakit ang likod ko.
* My own chef. Dahil hindi naman ako marunong magluto.

Someday I want to become...

* A journalist.
* A social worker. I want to go to the mountains and teach the illiterate Filipinos, or build clinics in the most remote areas in the country. I want to help people, I want to help everybody have a better life.
* A photographer. Take pictures of people, places, things...anything.
* A Painter. Though I don't have any artistic abilities, I wanted to much to learn how to paint.
* A pilot. I want to fly my own plane and be free even just for a while.
* A traveler. I love traveling, I love culture, I love people, I love scenes, I love history and art and archeology. I want to see everything that the world can show me.

I want to do a lot of things. I guess my whole lifetime is not enough to fulfill everything I dreamed of doing.

But in reality, I just want to make a difference in a world that I cannot change. In reality, I just want to make my time in this world fulfilling and worth living.

One more step

Just take one more step and it will all be over.
I wish its as easy as that. I wish making a decision in life is as easy as putting your foot forward.
But its not and it never will. Life is complicated, that is reality. But its the complications that makes life exciting.

In love with my bestfriend?

I've been teased for so long now and I think its time to clear everything for the benefit of everybody.

No, I am definitely not in love with my best friend or specifically my ex-best friend. For sometime now I had been wondering myself if I am or I am not. Huwhat?Come again?...

Yes, I had been wondering too. I would be honest to admit that I miss my best friend and all the times we laughed and quarreled. I miss our petty arguments and our shallowness. I miss the fun we had. But if you call this falling in love then I guess I am in love with a lot of people lately.

I miss my best friend but I am not in love with him. Maybe I was attracted to him before, which is not impossible since he is a person everybody will like at first glance, but in love with him? No. I should think not. Besides, were no longer friends.

He already found new people he could hang out with and practically forget my existence. I am not jealous with his friends because if they can make him happy then so be it. I know for a fact that it is just normal for people to find new friends and lost in touch with others.

Well, its a bit sad really. It hurts to know that the friendship you tried to preserve so much could vanish in just a snap. But hey! that's life!

So I hope I made it clear now. And I hope people would stop teasing me about it.

a piece of me

A piece of my heart
is a piece of my soul

A piece of my heart
is a piece of my life

Take a piece
its yours to keep
Take a piece
its all I can give

Take it whole
and you'll take my life
Take it whole
and you'll take my soul
Take it and keep it
but you can't break it

My heart is a treasure
delicate and precious
Take only a piece
for there's a price to pay
a ransom, a fee
in case you break me

a drop of your blood
for every piece you take
a drop of your blood
for every tear you let fall
a drop of your blood
for every time it breaks

every piece of my heart
is a piece of my life
every piece of my heart
is a piece of me

take it.
keep it.
treasure it.

Or better not take anything at all.
==============
march 25, 2009.

Age Gap

A deafening silence
A wall between us
A gulf created by hate

You scream but nobody hears
I scream but nobody cares
Blood all around us
Imagined and real

They covered our eyes
So we won’t see
They covered our ears
So we won’t hear
They covered our mouths
So we couldn’t speak

In their eyes
We are young
In their minds
We know nothing

We wanted to be free
You wanted to be you
And I wanted to be me
Was it so much to ask?
Was it so much to give?

We stopped screaming
We tried to listen
But the silence is deafening
We cannot live in this
We cannot live with this

But the gulf has already been created
The wall is already there
We will never understand them
And they will never understand us

(by the Frog Princess, March 2009)

I was born for a reason

I always know I was born for a reason. I just don't know what. Or at least, not at this moment.
I refuse to accept that I was born out of an accident. If I wasn't meant to be here, I will never be here.

Nobody in this world was ever born out of an accident. You are here because you are meant to be here.

I have my dreams. I have plans I've laid out for myself. I have everything in order. But I know that whatever planning I make, if it's not the way God wants me to take then He will make a way to lead me away from it.

My dreams are my guide. It gives me a reason to strive everyday. It gives me a reason to wake up in the morning and do whatever I can do to make my dreams nearer to me. I think I know where my path is leading. I think I had known long before I entered college. It has always lead this way.

I don't know why exactly I was chosen to be born in this particular place, with these particular people. I don't know the significance of everything happening in my life; the significance of every single detail; of every single person. I cannot explain everything about me or even understand everything happening to me but I know that everything happens for a reason.

For two decades that I have been living in this world I had come to accept that God is the one and only Captain of my life. I am here because of Him and He alone knows what He wants with my life. I can only follow.

People around me may see me as a person of no religious inclination. Maybe they are right. Maybe I don't have. But I believe that as long as I have accepted Christ in my life and as long as I remain faithful to him, then religion is of no importance.

I already cast all my burdens to Him, though sometimes I still have the tendency to carry the burden in my heart. In my heart, I have come to accept that if I open my heart to Him and lay down everything He will give what I pray for.

I may not understand His purpose for me but I don't have any plans of questioning it. I will never again doubt His plans for me because for so many times in my life, He showed me that He gives to those who ask and knows how to wait.

I know I am here for a reason. I know somewhere God has prepared something for me. I know that somewhere, God has prepared someone for me. I don't know what it is or who it will be but I know that when it comes, I will know.

I am here for a reason. And that is something that I am waiting to find out.

something I could never understand

Babies.
I am always amazed when I see babies. In fact, I am amazed whenever I am in one of those moods and start observing the people around me.

The "miracles of life" has never failed to amaze me. Whenever I see a child, I could not help but wonder how this tiny creature had evolved from a tiny embryo to something I could touch and hold. I am always left speechless by the thought that these tiny creatures grew within the body of another human being. Simply amazing.

I guess there is nothing more amazing in this world than this.

Even with grown ups. I couldn't help but see the baby in them. I couldn't help but imagine them as babies, wonder what they were like when they were children and be amazed at how humans can actually evolve from helpless embryos to ferocious monsters.

Touching the people around me, hugging them or even just looking at them, I couldn't help but wonder how they had metamorphosed from that creature inside the womb to what they are now. God, life is amazing!

Just look at that photo (taken from yahoo photos). Who would have thought that we were all like that before? Who would have thought we all came from that? Who would have thought that we all came from one microscopic sperm cell and one microscopic egg cell?

And imagine that it grew right inside your body? God...how did God ever designed this body I could not imagine.

A child inside you body. A child coming out of your tiny body. A child growing up and becoming an adult. God...you never fail to amaze me...simply wonderful!

A Lesson of Faith

I first read the story when I was an incoming first year HS student and I've always treasured it ever since. I cannot recall the story in verbatim but I could tell you the gist of the story.

It goes this way:

A man was driving home late one night. When he had an accident. The man is a Christian. He was raised in a Christian family, he studied in Christian schools. He goes to church, he prays, needless to say, the man is a devout Christian.

As his car fell into the edge of the cliff, the man was able to get out of the car and managed to cling on a branch of a tree. He was so scared that he started praying to God to deliver him from his predicament. He prayed so hard and sincerely that God answered him.

God said, "If you believe in me, let go of the tree"
The man was bewildered. He did not let go, instead asked God why He wanted him to let go when he had been a faithful servant of God all along.
The man said, " I had been faithful to you Lord. I go to church regularly. I give tithes. I pray. I do good things, why are you abandoning me now?"
God answered the man, "If you trust me, let go of the tree"
The man still refused to let go and held even more to the the branch of the tree.
This went on for hours and the man began to get tired. His arms were aching already from being suspended for so long. But still, he refused to let go. He closed his eyes and waited for help to come.

When daylight came, the man opened his eyes and looked down from where he is hanging. He was so surprised to find out that he is barely a foot from the ground.

The story is actually a reflection of our relationship with God. There are a lot of us, me included, who will not hesitate to say that I believe in God and that I trust Him. There are a lot of us who has been brought up in devout Christian families who goes to church 3-5 times a week, prays regularly, does all the good works, gives our tithes and offerings to the church and so on. Yet, when God tells us to trust in Him we prefer to follow our stubborn minds instead.

If the man let go of the tree right away he could have saved himself from the pain, exhaustion and humiliation. Yet he did not because he could not believe that by letting go of the tree he would live.

Sometimes I am like that man. I pray to God, I say I trust him and yet when God tests me I start to doubt. They say faith is believing in something that you cannot see. Its believing that you can breathe even without seeing the air. Its believing that you will be saved even when you don't know by whom and when.

One of the things I learned in my life is not to question God's plan in your life. No matter how much you try to control things, God will always have the last say. You just have to trust Him and cast your burdens to Him because He will allow things to happen according to His purpose.

Many times in my life I questioned God's plan for me. Sometimes, when I am in so much pain I would cry and pray to Him and ask Him what He really wants to do to me. A lot of times I asked God what's His plan in my life is, why He lets things happen as they are, why He never did anything to stop it from happening, why He would allow me to get hurt when He was the one who wanted me in this world in the first place.

Then I would look back at all the things that happened to me and I would realize that God is teaching me a lesson and making me tough for the greater challenges that awaits me. He allowed people to hurt me and desert me because He wants me to be strong and learn to stand firm when things starts to get rough.

God will not let things happen without a reason. You just have to trust Him to guide you and keep you safe and strong as you go on your journey. All else may fail but Faith will always keep you going.

what my heart truly says...

(this post is dedicated to all my classmates)
You've known me as a person who says what I think and what I feel but very few of you knows that I could never bring myself to say the things that really matters. I am not very verbal when it comes to my feelings to the people around me. I could lash out in anger and say things that could hurt people but I could never bring myself to tell any of you what's really inside my heart.

I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for all the things I did that could have hurt you or offend you. I'm sorry if I never told you or made you feel how important you are to me. I'm sorry because I am a person who could never really express my feelings for others.

And now the end is here. You are now leaving, and some have already left yet I still couldn't find the energy to tell you how important you are all to me. I still couldn't bring myself to tell you how much you all mean to me and how much your presence made a mark in my life. I could only smile at you and tell you to take care even if what I wanted to do is hug you really tight and tell you how much I love you and how much I would miss you.

But I did not because I could never really do that. I could hug you but I could not tell you those words. I could tell you to take care but I could never tell you how much it hurts to see you all in academic regalia beaming with pride. I could never tell you how much it hurts to know that we will no longer be together in coming school year. I could never tell you how much it hurts to know that we will never share another moment together.

I went to you graduation to congratulate all of you and wish you luck, also to say goodbye to Hannah. I was so happy to see you all even though a part of me tells me to just go home because you will be too busy to notice me anyway. Good thing I did not because I might not have another chance to hug Hannah again.

I will stand by what I said that I will not shed a tear of you because I know that all of you are in better hands now. I have long accepted the fact that nothing in this world will ever stay and everything will be gone and everybody will have to leave. I have long accepted the fact that we could not really stay with each other forever, that there is really no such thing as forever. We have to leave each other, we have to separate ways.

But this does not mean that I will forget any of you or the memories we shared. I could never bring my self to do so even if I wanted to. I will always treasure the moments I spent with all of you. I will always remember the good times we spent with each other. Even the bad times.

I pray you all the best. I pray that all of you will succeed. I pray that all of you will always be safe. I pray that all of you will find your way.

...because you can never really say goodbye...

Saying goodbye to the people that you cared for the most is probably the most painful thing in the world. You can utter the words but your heart never really learn to mean it. At the back of you mind and in your heart, you still harbor the idea that you could stop it from happening, that you could stop the words from going out of your mouth.

To be separated from the people you love is an agony. To let go of the people very dear to you is painful and a torture. Yet, somehow, life is designed that way. At some point, you have to let go of the people you love no matter how much you want to keep them in your arms.

I've said goodbye so many times in my life. I could utter the words as easily as I could utter hello. But until now, I could never bring my heart to understand that though goodbyes may not be forever, still some goodbyes can last forever.

Sometimes I think that its better not to know people at all if they are not meant to stay but then again, I wouldn't be who I am if I did not met those people I've said goodbye to.

Nothing really lasts forever. Not even the earth, not even the sky. Somehow everything changes. Everything. Even goodbyes.

Lolo, I miss you.

He was a writer, a real patriot and a leader.

I am not talking about Andres Bonifacio or of any other great men of history. He wasn’t as famous as them. He was only known in his little town. He wasn’t rich enough to build a mansion for his family, but he built a home which nestled and protected his wife and children.

He was well loved by his people. In his little barangay, he was quite popular even after he left. He was a man who values education so much that even when he was sick he would call his grandchildren and teaches them to read. His patriotism borders the exceptional. He was so loyal to his country that he wouldn’t eat canned goods from abroad. I remembered quiet well how his children would connive to hide the cans and labels of those imported foods and things given by their friends. It was funny to reminisce those times.

He loved books. He loved news, politics and his grandchildren. Though he never saw them grow up and reach their dreams.

Yes, he is gone now. The man who had been patient enough to teach his grandchildren their math during summer vacations. He was good enough to bring his granddaughters to their favorite fast food even if he was quiet short of cash. He was exceptional enough to influence a granddaughter at a young age. He was the best, if not better than the best grandfather in the world.

He was my Lolo and I was his favorite apo. Or so they say.

Funny, but I inherited everything from my Lolo, and it’s not just the looks. He was a writer, and I am a student journalist. He was asthmatic, and so am I. He loves news, his writings and books. Of course, so do I.

They say I am following the footsteps of my late grandfather. Among his grandchildren, I was the only one who showed interest in his craft, though they did not seem to notice the potential in one of my cousins.

My grandfather is my hero. He is my muse, so to say. Despite the fact that he died when I was still small, I could still clearly remember how he would bring me to my favorite ice cream house, teach me my math, and hear me read or do my monologue. He never gets tired of teaching us and instilling in us the value of education.

I inherited from him my writing skills, my love for books and my appreciation for knowledge. Sad to say, I never learned to love math despite the fact that he never failed to tutor us with it during summer.

The latter years of his life was spent in hospitals. I remembered visiting him the day before he died. I was the last grandchild he saw.

In a way, I hated my grandfather for leaving me. I loved him so much that all this years I would still find myself missing him. It has been nine years since he left me and I still long for the day when I would go home and he would hug me. I still long for the day when I could hear his voice again and he would hear me do my monologues, or agonize over my out of tune voice while I sing to him my favorite songs. I long for his company when I watch news broadcasts in television. I miss my grandfather so much, and no words can describe the longing that I felt.

I wish he could see me now. I wish he could see how near I am in becoming a journalist. I wish he could see my name in our weekly student newspaper and he would beam with pride. Yes, Lolo, my name is in the newspaper too. I am a writer just like you.

But all I can do now is wish. My Lolo is in a far away place now. I don’t know if he could see me cry every night. I don’t know if he misses me too. It doesn’t matter though. As long as he is alive in my heart, even death could not separate us. As long as I keep his memory alive, he will be with me.

Someday, I will become a journalist, a writer just like my Lolo. I know he will be proud of that. I hope I could see him smile each time he would see my name in the newspaper or see me in television.

Yes Lolo, I hope you are smiling now. I am still a thousand steps away from my dream, but don’t worry Lolo I can reach it. I will gladly go the thousand steps for you.

I hope you could read this in heaven Lolo, or do you have newspapers there too?

Don’t worry Lolo; I will keep all my writings so if the time comes that we would meet again you can read everything.


For now, I’d settle for the memory of your smile.

English is a Crazy Language (Author unknown)

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Found this during one of my cyber wanderings...Its fun and its amazingly true...


We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one loose tooth, 2 leese teeth? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo or a truck by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? Lift a thumb to thumb a lift? Table a plan in order to plan a table?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can a person be "pretty ugly?"

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another. Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who *are* spring chickens or who would actually hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. Why is "crazy man" an insult, while to insert a comma and say "crazy, man!" is a compliment (as when applauding a jazz performance.)

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

Sore Thumb

For thirty nine years the Philippine government has been at war with the New People’s Army, more or less two decades with the Islamic Militant group Abu Sayyaf, and three decades with the Moro Islamic Liberation Front. Needless to say the Philippines has been spending years of conflict with no imminent end in sight.

The fact that the country’s problem on insurgency is not as worst as those of other countries is something that Filipinos should be thankful for; but the fact that its there is also something to be worried about.

Like corruption, insurgency has been like a particularly stubborn weed which simply refuses to die no matter how many times you try to trample on it. The war between government forces and various rebel groups has been on going for decades now and has claimed hundreds of lives, ruined properties, families, and the prospect of a progressive Philippines.

Mindanao is an island with strong potentials in the tourism industry as well as business potentials. But the on going conflict in various places in the island has smeared Mindanao’s reputation. It created the image of Mindanao as a war torn place that could bring danger to anybody who sets foot in it instead of an island abundant in natural resources and teeming with possibilities. These possibilities are often overshadowed by news of kidnappings, bombings, ambush and encounters.

The presence of armed groups, reinforced by stories of kidnappings and violence, scares off and discourages potential investors. The clashes between government and rebel troops have constantly displace residents of affected places, traumatized them as well as ruin their livelihoods. How can one expect progress with these?

Aside from these, the Armed Forces of the Philippines is spending millions of pesos to finance the equipment needed by the troops in Mindanao. If the war escalates, the Armed Forces would need more equipment, more troops; hence, a bigger budget. And additional budget to the defense department would mean lesser budget to the other departments.

The on-going conflict in Mindanao has been like a sore thumb, sticking out and making its presence felt no matter how you try to pretend that its not there. The on going conflict affects the business and tourism potential of Mindanao and is, therefore, impeding the chance of the country to develop and progress.

This conflict is a product of the Moros fight for self-determination as a people with distinct history and identity. A fight which gave birth to the Moro National Liberation Front (MNLF) in the 1970’s and eventually to the MILF as the latter broke away from the MNLF. The ensuing conflicts that erupted between Moro and Christian paramilitary troops gave way to the war that became a burden to the country for 30 years.

For ten years now there had been peace talks between the government and the MILF. These peace talks enable negotiation between both parties for them to arrive at an agreement that would finally put the Mindanao conflict to rest.

With the presence of the NPA, Abu Sayyaf and other revolutionary and criminal groups, the war in Mindanao has never really ended. However the peace talks between the MILF and the government, at least, gave the government one less enemy to hunt.
The conflict in Mindanao, and the problem on insurgency as a whole, speaks a lot of things. It does not only symbolize the Moros struggle for autonomy but it eloquently speaks of the people’s distrust and dissatisfaction with the government.

The biggest problem that the Philippines faces is not the fact that it is geographically divided; but the fact that the people refuse to acknowledge that despite the problem on geography they are still bound under one race and must, therefore, learn to work together for good. Regardless of the differences in dialect, ethnicity and religion, they are all Filipinos who belong to one country that is presently plagued with poverty and corruption.

The Philippines is constantly facing problems that test its resolve as a country aiming for progress and development. But no matter how hard the country tries to move forward a lot of issues impede its pace. Unless these issues are properly addressed there can be no real development in the country. It is time that the sore thumb heals.


(Written October 29, 2008)

Friendster vs Multiply

Both are social networks. Both have millions of members.
But whose the best?

Of course you could always say that it depends on which one suits you best. But let us be honest about it, which one offers the best features? Let's take a look.

While both are user0friendly, Multiply offers more privacy for those who does not want to share their life to the rest of the world. You can upload unlimited photos, videos, songs, and of course, Blogs. For those who only wants to share their lives on the people they know, Multiply would suit them fine. Your profiles can only be viewed by people who knows your web address or is in your network. You may also upload personal files and is allowed to choose whether you want it shared to everybody, your network or to a select few you choose to share with.

On the downside however, for those who loves personalizing their pages, Multiply can be very hard to customize and only those who are really adept in CSS or are lucky enough to find layouts and themes they like can really personalize their pages. Those who likes to have many friends in their network may not like multiply that much. Unlike in friendster where everybody seemed eager to have new friends, most Multiply user are picky in accepting invites. And because only those you like or likes you enough to accept your invite can be in your network, your friendslist can be very small. Which is a blessing for those who does not really like that much of 'joiners' in their lives.

Meanwhile, I guess everybody will agree that friendster is more user-friendly than multiply. Here you can find long lost friends in just a click and expand your network almost without limit. You can also have albums though you are only allowed to have few and not allowed to uplaod videos. Friendster also offers fun widgets, group features, bulletin where you can announce or post anything, shout out your feelings to the world, and allows you to totally make-over your profile.

But for those who loves blogging, uploading videos and photos, friendster is very limited. Spams are also common and anybody can just view your profile. Although they do have the security features which allows you to choose whether you want anybody to view your profile or just those from your network. Your profile page an also be very crowded if you try to add all the widgets you love.

When it comes to features and security and privacy, it is more advisable to use multiply. But when it comes to connectibility and user-friendly features, friendster is the network to go.

So, which between the two I would choose?
I guess both. They both have their flaws but if you use them together, you can have the best of both. *wink**wink*

My Top Filipino Horror Movies (through the years)

Horror is one genre that will never run out of audience. Everybody wants to be scared witless no matter how much we try to say the we wanted otherwise.

Here are some movies that scared (and used to scare) me:

1. 'Wag Kang Lilingon. Starring Kristine Hermosa, Anne Curtis, and Marvin Agustin.
Maybe I was not that scared with this movie but I can't help but admire the plot. The twist in the story is so amazing that I watched it again and again.
Who would have thought that a seemingly harmless nurse could be the cause of a series of deaths that she herself was investigating?

"Kung mahal mo ako, wag kang lilingon..."

It was in this movie that I saw Anne's potential as an actress and how much she had grown through the years.

2. Feng Shui. (Starring Kris Aquino, etc)
I would honestly say that I did got scared with this movie. I was also surprised with Kris Aquino's acting because I really used to hate the way she acts. I don't think there is a need for me to elaborate on this as Feng Shui is considered as one of the best filipino horror movies of today.

3. Mag-ingat sa Kulam (with Judy Ann Santos, Dennis Trillo and Sharlene San Pedro)
Amazing, scary and amazing!
I was covering my eyes the whole time. The special effects are really something and worth applauding. Like "Wag kang lilingon" the twist in Kulam really scared the hell out of me.
It was a story of Maria and Mira, twins who grew up with a witchdoctor mother who trained them to use their powers. Mira reluctantly follows while Maria eagerly accepts the powers. When she is old enough to leave, Mira left their place and went to a faraway place to study where she eventually became a top agent in her company.
After Mira had an accident and lost her memory she started behaving oddly and seemed to see ghosts. With the help of his former lover, Mira remembered about Maria and slowly started to understand the horrors happening to her.
She was warned by a witch doctor they had consulted that when the eclipse comes, she could never escape the powers of her twin sister Maria. She was scared as well as her family and prepared for the arrival of her sister's spirit.
On the night of the eclipse, the family was separated and Maria found the book of witchcraft given to Maria by their mother and suddenly remembered everything.
"Ako si Maria..."

Realizing what happened, Maria (trapped in Mira's body) set out to kill her sister's shocked and confused family. Knowing that this will happen, Mira left a video tape to her husband instructing him what to do in case of her death. Paul (Dennis Trillo) followed the instructions and, before he could be killed by the avenging Maria, was able to destroy the spirit of his wicked sister in law.

The only hitch of this movie is the final appearance of Mira's ghost. It would have been better if it wasn't shown and allowed the movie to end as it is. It would have been more scary. The arrival of the ghost made the story more unrealistic than it should be.

4. Multo in the City
I don't exactly remember who were the characters in this movie or who directed it and when was it released but this was one of those horror movies which really scared me when I was in the elementary. I remembered the story revolved around an unearthed skeleton of a child which made her mother's ghost haunt the school where it was found. If I'm not mistaken the ghost was portrayed by Jacklyn Jose and she was really scary with the black veil and the look in her eyes.

6. Shake, Rattle and Roll
I forgot what episode but I know it was the story wherein a little girl was locked in a cabinet by hre brother and died in there. The little girl started haunting the cabinet. After watchng that movie, I refused to open any cabinet and would even imagine the face of the child inside it. When I was younger I used to think that I could hear a child crying from the cabinet in our house. Even until now when I would be reminded of the movie I would get chills whenever I would be near a cabinet. Any cabinet. =)

7. Patayin sa Sindak si Barbara
I don't know what scared me about this movie. All I know is that, whenever this movie is mentioned I would feel a kind of fear brought about by something that's supposed to happen. I don't know. Its like being scared by a memory you can't even remember.

8. Dear Tita Helen
I am not sure if it was the right title but I know it was a movie which starred Sharon Cuneta and I think Julie Vega. It was something about exorcism and the face of Julie Vega was really really scary. Especially with her floating and and having those green bubble like thingy coming out of her mouth. I was so scared after. I remembered that people said that it was one of the last movies where Julie Vega appeared and superstitious people said that the exorcism scene caused her death.

9. Maalaala Mo Kaya- Halloween Special Episode
It wasn't a movie but it was scary. It was the episode where Judy Ann was possesed by evil spirits because she cursed God after her family was killed. I was really scared with the scene wher Judy Ann was floating outside the window and laughing.


I don't know about others but these movies really made a mark in my mind and really scared me like hell. Maybe I'm just a scaredy-cat or maybe...their just that scary.

"IT" by Stephen King

One of the scariest books I've ever read. Stephen King is simply, remarkable!
A story of seven children confronted by evil beyond imagining, It is one novel that would make sleeping at night a really scary adventure.

In the town of Derry, Maine there is a horror that only seven children knows about. Children were being killed and mutilated and the people of Derry thought that a serial killer was on the loose but only the members of the Losers Club (Bill Denbrough, Eddie Kaspbrak, Beverly Morgan, Ben Hanscom, Richie Tozier, Stan Uris, and Mike Hanlon) knows the truth.

Only the children knows about Pennywise the clown and went on to battle with the malevolent clown the many evil disguises of his. In a battle they had won with help of the turtle, the Losers club promised that when IT returns they go back to Derry and fight it again.

And when it returns, it haunted them one by one promising that none of them will livc. Will they survive?

It, like most of Stephen King's novels, was elaborately and excellently written. The plot was complicated but easily understood. The scenes are simplistic and harmless enough yet could bring chills in your bones when you try and close your eyes.

What makes it chilling is the way it is written itself. Stephen King is a master of description and the scenes are vividly descripted enough that reading IT could make you feel like you are in Derry and chased by Pennywise and his many guises. Reading IT is not scary as it is but when you put down the book and let the words sink in to your system, that's when Pennywise comes in.

IT is definitely one King's best novel.

(for more info about IT, please visit this site...IT)

OPM Song: Kanlungan

Probably one of the best Filipino songs that I've heard, Kanlungan is a song of change. One of the few songs that could really touch your hearts, Kanlungan talks about inevitable changes that come along as we journey through life. It looks back to time when everything seemed fine and nothing could separate two hearts.

It is not only a song of love but also a song of friendship. It is a song that tells about life itself and the happiness, pains and regrets that goes with it.

Kanlungan
by Noel Cabangon
Chorus:
Pana-panahon ang pagkakataon
Maibabalik ba ang kahapon?

Natatandaan mo pa ba
Nang tayong dal’wa ang unang nagkita?
Panahon ng kamusmusan
Sa piling ng mga bulaklak at halaman
Doon tayong nagsimulang
Mangarap at tumula

Natatandaan mo pa ba
Inukit kong puso sa punong mangga
At ang inalay kong gumamela
Magkahawak-kamay sa dalampasigan
Malayang tulad ng mga ibon
Ang gunita ng ating kahapon

Refrain 1:
Ang mga puno’t halaman
Ay kabiyak ng ating gunita
Sa paglipas ng panahon
Bakit kailangan ding lumisan?

[Repeat Chorus]

Ngayon ikaw ay nagbalik
At tulad ko rin ang iyong pananabik
Makita ang dating kanlungan
Tahanan ng ating tula at pangarap
Ngayon ay naglaho na
Saan hahanapin pa?

Refrain 2:
Lumilipas ang panahon
Kabiyak ng ating gunita
Ang mga puno’t halaman
Bakit kailangang lumisan?

[Repeat Chorus]
[Repeat Refrain 2]
[Repeat Chorus]

Catherine, Called Birdy

"She's not your average damsel in distress..."
says the book's cover. And indeed she is!

Set in England in the year 1290, Catherine, is a daughter of a knight and a lady was trapped in a world were women have no power to speak their minds, do what they like most and marry whom they choose.

Written in a journal style of writing (very much like those of Anne Frank's Diary, the only difference is that Anne did actually lived), the Lady Catherine narrated her everyday life in the "Manor of Stonebridge, in the shire of Lincoln, in the country of England, In the hands of God..." or that's how she wrote it.

Growing in an era where women's rights is still unheard of, the Lady Catherine is already on her wits to win against her father who is bent on marrying her to whoever should offer marriage to his daughter and wealthy enough to suit his tastes. Tasked to write and account of her days by her brother Edward (who seeks to make her observant, thoughtful and learned), Catherine recounted her days full of adventures (and misadventures) and shared her thoughts on how women are treated in those days.

Funny and thought-provoking, this little book pictures the England of 1200's, a totally different England of today. Written by Karen Cushman, "Catherine, Called Birdy" is a book which shows us how lucky we are to live in this era.

24th Day of September
The stars and my family align to make my life black and miserable. My mother seeks to make me a fine lady-- dumb, docile and accomplished-- so I must take lady-lessons and keep my mouth closed. My father, the toad, conspires to sell me like cheese to some lack-wit seeking a wife.
What makes this clodpole suitor anxious to have me? I am no beauty, being sun-browned and gray-eyed, with poor eyesight and a stubborn dispostion.
Corpus Bones! He comes to dine with us in two days' time. I plan to cross my eyes and drool in my meat.

Different from the other ladies of her time, Catherine seeks to do what others deemed as inappropriate for a young lady (i.e, climb trees, laugh aloud, cut their hair, wear nothing, etc.). She is always seeking for ways to escape her suitors and her sewing. Always wondering why men are allowed to do things while women not.

Catherine is a funny and interesting character who best resembles women who always knows what they want with their lives. Strong-willed and clever, Catherine is a personification of a woman who will do everything to have her way.

Reading her funny narratives, Catherine does not only gives a picture of long ago England and how women are being treated but also of how women tries to fight their way to gain the freedom that they deserve. This book is definitely a good-read, especially for those who believes and fights for women's rights.

Women empowerment, this is what the book is really all about.
Reading Birdy's diary, I could say that, indeed, she is not your average damsel in distress...

Marry Me

"A story about a girl who likes a boy and a boy who likes his BMX bike..."
This was how the movie I found in YouTube was described by its uploader. I forgot who uploaded it and who directed the movie but what I know is that, the movie was simply fantastic.

I don't have the talent of describing things to people and 'fantastic' is the only thing I could think of as of now. Oh yeah, there is another one, fantastic and funny.

I never really have the plan of watching that movie but I was killing time yesterday and clicked it. I guess I was lucky that I did otherwise I wouldn't find this treasure.

The story is about a little girl who did everything so the little boy (named Jason) would notice her. It was a battle between the bike and the girl actually. The girl wants to be notice by Jason but Jason does not care for anything other than his bike. The 7 minute film was really funny as the girl did everything to catch the attention of the 'boy her dreams'.

I couldn't get the link but you can view it in youtube. I guess you just have to search for it.
But I'm sure its worth your while. Its one of those independent short films you can't help but love.

Online Movies

I always wanted to watch the movie "The Ballet Shoes" ever since I've read about it in Emma Watson's website (Yes, I love Emma Watson!). It has been months ago since I did and luckily I found the video in mymovies.ws, an online movie downloading website where I was able to watch the movie.

I was told the storyline is great. I've read that the book was great. I watched Emma Watson's interview on YouTube and she said the script is great. I did not know it was THAT GREAT!

I seldom like movies that are not thriller/adventure/horror in genre and The Ballet Shoes is one among the best non-horror movies I have watched and liked. The story is full of emotions and the acting was so convincing.

According to a summary provided in the IMDb Website, "Set in Thirties London, Ballet Shoes tells the exhilarating tale of orphans Pauline, Petrova and Posy Fossil, who are adopted by an eccentric explorer, Gum, and raised as sisters by his selfless niece. The timeless and uplifting story revolves around each girl's struggle to fulfil her dreams: Pauline longs to be an actress, Petrova yearns to be an aviator, and Posy seems born to be a ballerina. But when Gum disappears, the money runs out - and the girls have a fight on their hands. Their struggle to balance personal ambition with the need to survive physically, emotionally, and financially, proves moving and comic by turns. Written by BBC Press Office"

I think the movie teaches you how much you can do if you put your heart to something. It makes you understand that no problem could ever hinder you from reaching your dreams if you are brave enough to face it, that there is a solution to every problem and that, life becomes easier when you are sorrounded by people you care for and cares for you.

It also shows what arrogance could do to you and how much selfishness could affect not only your life but also of the people around you.

The movie is, however, not that heavy in drama. There are funny moments too which really lightened the somewhat heavy atmosphere of the movie.

Of course, I should say that Emma Watson proved that she's not only good at being a witch, she could also be a dancer and definitely an actress. But what I love most in the movie, aside from Emma, is the character of Petrova.

Well, Posy is cute and all but Petrova is one character I could somehow relate into. She was forced to be on stage even though what she really wants is to be an aviator. It seemed as if she has no choice, with the family needing the money and all, yet she never let go of her dreams and in the end she found her 'road in the sky'.

Among the characters, Petrova is the most remarkable because she is selfless and thinks only of what she can do for the people around her. She was the one who tried to find a way so Pauline could buy a frock so she could audition as Alice (For the Alice in Wonderland) and the one who never stopped believing that Gum would return.

But of course, that is not the only movie I watched. I am in movie marathon mode tonight so I am searching for movies I might be able to watch online. As of the moment I am still waiting for Mega Video to finish downloading so I could finish watching the cartoon show, Alice Academy...

Whew! Thank God for the Internet!

20 years and still learning...

=emote mode on=
=date: 010909. Two days before my birthday=

What have I learned for the past 20 years of my life?

1. Life is, indeed, full of surprises.

You can never tell what will happen no matter how you try to plan your life. One minute you think everything is going the way you wanted it, the next you will be surprised that its not going anywhere at all. You may be the happiest person in the world right now and then be the most miserable tomorrow. Nothing in life is predictable. Everything is uncertain.

There is no manual that will tell you how to live your life so you would be successful and happy, you can only take a step and move forward whether you like it or not and hope that things would go well for you.

2. Never say that you know somebody.

People, like the earth, undergoes changes and sometimes they simply change for the worst. You can never say that you really know somebody, not even your parents or your siblings. I guess, not even yourself. The moment you think you know the people around you, they change and become somebody else.

I agree with Karen Cushman in her book Catherine, called Birdy, when she wrote that people are like onions. We are made up of layers of personality. Each layers resembles our good and bad quality that we often doesn't realize that we have.

Humans are, simply, complex beings.

3. Life is a never ending discovery.

Everyday we discover and learn something new. The world is full of mysteries unfolding before us day after day, you just have to open your eyes wide enough to notice them.

4. The people you love are the ones that could hurt you the most.

Its different when somebody you don't care for hurts you. It doesn't matter what others say about you but its a different matter when its the people you love most. The people you love leaves a kind of pain that knocks your senses and leaves you gasping for awhile.

5. "The ones we cannot save are those people we love the most"

I forgot who said this but this is one of the things I've learned in my life. We cannot save those we love, we cannot protect them from things that could hurt them. Maybe that is why I wanted to become a soldier, so I could console myself by saving those that I can.

I think I know why we cannot save those people we care so much for. I think it is because we cared so much for them that we close our eyes and pretend that they are better when they are not. We don't want them to get hurt or be harmed that is why sometimes we force ourselves to believe that everything is fine with them even if at the back of our minds we know its not.

6. Not all questions can be answered with "gravity" or problems solved by Pythagoras.

Meaning? Not everything in this world can be solved by the power of thinking. Irrational it may be, but sometimes you have to use your heart to know the answer that the mind cannot give.

7. Nothing goes as planned.

And it does not only apply in activities. You may spend your life planning your life carefully but nothing will go as planned. There will always be hitch.

8. Never trust 100%.

Trust the people around you but not too much. Share them your life but not too much. I got hurt when I gave too much.

9. Love others, but love yourself more.

Bad? No. Don't give your love too much because you'll get hurt if you do.

10. "To thine self, be true"

Hamlet was right, you have to be true to yourself. Don't even bother pretending because not everybody will like you anyway. Somebody is bound to hate you no matter what you do. Don't even try to impress people, its a waste of time. you just have to be yourself and be thankful for those who accepted you despite your complexity.

11. Don't depend your life to the people around you.

I exist for the people around me but not because of the people around me. As I've said, and have always experienced, people come and go. If you only exist because of them, what will happen if they leave?

12. Crying can never solve a problem.

It may make you feel better but you can't do any other thing with it. You may cry but only to express yourself. Crying is not a cowardly thing to do but its not the most intelligent thing to do either. Cry if you must but remember that your tears won't solve your problems for you.

13. Bad can always go worse.

And I don't think I have to elaborate more on this.

14. The most important things are never taught in schools.

x=x/y+x can never tell you how to deal with the real world. They never teach us the formula of life. Schools never really teaches us about life.

15. We are never who we think we are.

Our perceptions of ourselves are not really accurate. We think we are this but we are never really like that. I guess the people who knows as better are those who doesn't know us because they are the ones who sees us without prejudice.


there are more but I don't think a day is enough to list everything down...

Wanted: Sister!

I never had a sister and I always wonder what it feels like to have one.

I guess it would be really exciting to have somebody to giggle with, compare dresses and stuffs with, and even simply having somebody who understands how it feels to be girl.

I guess it would be fun to have somebody to talk about things that only girls could understand or discuss why your crush doesn't notice you, or have somebody to criticize your latest purchase or tell you that your taste in fashion really sucks.

Sometimes I pretend that I have a sister. Sometimes I pretend that I have somebody I whisper with at night giggling about my latest crush or wondering what to wear best in a party. Or just having somebody who would understand why you have to cry when the man you like dumps you like a trash.

Living with three other girls in a boarding house is the closest I ever got to having a sister, and its not that much. I mean, we don't quarrel like normal sister would. We were never 100% honest or blunt with each other like real sisters. We never even had an argument. We share things, stories and such but never like sisters.

I am often envious of my friends who got sisters they could talk to, share with, gossip with, and maybe even go shopping with. It would really be a major fun if I have a sister.

If I have a sister I would have somebody I could share secrets with. If I have a sister I wouldn't have to pretend that I am strong even if I am not. If I have a sister I would have somebody to share my things with and argue with.

I guess my life would be different if I had a sister. I wish I had one.

Truth

In our Journalism Ethics class this morning we were asked this question, what is "truth"?
I guess the question is very much relevant because we are "future journalists", as what we often call ourselves. As journalists, we strive for the truth, we want the truth.

Truth is the guiding principle of journalism. But how much of what we are reporting is true? What is truth?

Our instructor told us to give our definition of the word TRUTH and I wrote, "Truth is an idea that is never absolute. It is subjective and depends on a person's perception of things. Something is true (for me) if I believe in it or if I have substantial facts to support it."

As I think about the subject, it dawned on me that truth never really exists. Truth is not true. Its there but its not there. There is no truth in this world. Everything is an opinion. We define things the way we see it which means that there is a possibility that our definition might be or might not be right. I mean, its something that would not exist if you don't put a name on it.

Its like colors, we know that the sky is blue because we were told that the particular color we are seeing is blue. Right? What if nobody put a name on it? What if nobody defined it as blue? Will we know that its blue? We see the chair as a chair because we conditioned our mind that what we are seeing is a chair, if we haven't seen a chair our whole life it would be nothing but a piece of wood.

When you testify in court you take an oath and say that what you are going to say is the truth and nothing but the truth. But is it? Truth depends on how we see things and perceive things. And that varies. So how are we going to tell the truth and nothing but the truth? I mean we can only say the truth the way we see it, and it might not be right at all.

Truth is the ultimate abstract. Intangible and simply undefined.

Then and Now

The Evolution of ME. Pics I've unearthed deepest recess of my Friendster Albums...

In High School (with and without make-up)


First Year College


Sophomore Year (College)


Third Year



and of course, Senior Year!




Whew!...time flies so fast... But I'm sure I don't want it to go back...=)